While everyone experiences heartbreak and pain differently I truly believe learning that other people have dealt with shit too is so helpful in recovery. In my first few days and weeks dealing with being cheated on by my college boyfriend of four years I found it extremely helpful reading up on people’s situations.
While nothing I read was exactly descriptive of my situation (there was no article titled “walking in on your boyfriend in bed with his “best friend” who you were told multiple times you were crazy for having “weird” jealousy issues,”) understanding that people had dealt with and had recovered from pain helped me in ways I’ll never be able to fully express.
Words are powerful and I’d like to share mine.
Your friends are your soulmates
As someone who had a boyfriend all throughout college, I can truly say my friends were not always my goto. For a long time the boyfriend in my life was my all. And I won’t lie, a part of me hates that. But the girls I had around me were my legs when I couldn’t walk, sometimes pretty literally. To have people in my life that were willing to drop anything and everything for me made me realize that love spans far beyond anything a boyfriend could give. While it took me longer than I would’ve liked to realize how lucky I am in the friends department, I almost want to thank this shitstorm of a situation for forcing me to realize that my people, well they really are my people and I wouldn’t trade them for anything or any boy.
Nobody (including yourself) knows how you’re supposed feel
I had people left and right telling me how I would feel and that eventually it would get better. Honestly while I appreciated the condolences it took me a while to understand that nobody was going to predict how I would feel. I felt a sincere loss I wish upon nobody and to this day I cannot predict how I’ll feel in an hour or a week. I learned to thank people for their kind words but at the same time try to understand that the future was uncertain, and that’s okay.
Love doesn’t have to last forever, but it can still be love
The single best piece of advice that got me through this was that yes, my boyfriend was the love of my life, however, only for a moment in time. And while that moment may not have been everlasting, it was real. When someone doesn’t serve a purpose in your life anymore they should and will leave. It may not be on your terms and it may suck but people stay while they should and no longer.
Regret is a waste of time
Initially I wanted to spend every moment of every day hating my ex and regretting our moments together. I am at a point now where I can look at memories and smile without crying. I wanted to hate the girl he was cheating on me with and hate their newly formed relationship. I wanted to hate myself for not paying closer attention or listening to my gut. But now I realize that to regret memories is trying to delete a pretty happy time in my life. Just because it ended badly doesn’t mean everything was bad.