Nights out with your friends are wonderful — they really are. There’s nothing better than rounding up the crew, pounding back the shots, and letting loose. When you all wake up in a hungover daze, you go to your favorite greasy diner and deconstruct the events of the night before — it’s fantastic. What I’ve found to be true from the four years of my undergrad however, is that no matter whose group of friends you’re going out with — your own or a friend’s — there are always the same principal characters. Now, I’m not saying each one is present at each night out — merely that each of these types exist and will be partying with you in the near future. Just you watch.
1. The flake. They’ll promise to be there and be hyped up about it for days — talking up all of the great stuff you’re going to get into and how awesome it will be — but when push comes to shove, they’re a no-show. Whether it be a made-up illness or a fabricated story of why they’re too tired to do anything, you can’t count on this friend for much other than really entertaining and inventive excuses.
2. The wild one. This friend is a walking hurricane. You always leave for the bar together, but this friend never makes it home with you. You meet up with them the next day and hear the unbelievable stories about their night. They go hard — on the dance floor, and the drinks. They’re the friend you call when you need a truly crazy night out — and let’s face it, every once in a while, you just need one. You love to hear about where they ended up and what sort of insane antics they got up to, and even get a little jealous — but you know deep down you couldn’t live like them.
3. The mom. This friend is definitely the caretaker of your group. She’s the one who makes sure everyone leaves the house together, and does her damn best to make sure everyone leaves the club together. Need to run to the bathroom for an emergency pee (god forbid, maybe even a quick puke)? She’s your girl. Need non-verbal confirmation if your guy is cute or not? Look no further. She means well, but sometimes she can most definitely salt your game. You forgive her though, because she’s the one who made you drink a glass of water and take an Advil before bed and now you feel just fine.
4. The one who brings her boyfriend everywhere. Pretty self-explanatory. Girls night? Clearly this friend doesn’t understand the concept because her other half is always there (and usually always annoying). It’s not so bad if you like the guy, but it’s hell if you don’t like him. Nobody feels comfortable enough to truly let their hair down (or let a guy shamelessly make out with them) in front of your guy, because let’s be honest, he’s going to judge — after all, why would he want his girl going out with a bunch of crazies?
5. The one who can’t get off her phone. You barely see her face on any given night out. She’s constantly texting, snapping or calling people and constantly missing out on the conversation. She’s the one who always says, “wait, what?” and “sorry, I wasn’t listening.” We know. Chances are she’s going to sneak out early, too — not that you’ll really notice.
6. The one who only wants to take pictures. It comes from a good place, I think. They’re obsessed with capturing the moment — sometimes so much that they completely miss out on the moment. They want group shots, candid shots, and individual pictures — and they want them now. Instagram, Facebook and Twitter are this friend’s crack/cocaine. The most common phrase you’ll hear from them is, “excuse me? Can you take our picture?!” Having randoms snap photos of you can get a little awkward after long enough — not to mention when they put up that picture where you look awful and they look amazing.
7. The one who never makes it out at all. Poor thing. This friend never sees the bar because they got so wasted at the pre-drink that they passed out early. They’ll wake up hours before you and sit around in misery, waiting to hear about the night they missed out on. They’ll moan and groan when they hear about the hilarious hook-ups and amazing drunk food, and promise not to do the same thing next time (spoiler alert, it’ll probably happen again).
8. The hot mess. It’s not a night out if this friend hasn’t cried at least once. As soon as they drink a drop of alcohol, their emotions are out of control. You spend half of your night consoling them, and in the morning they don’t even remember what they were so upset about. They apologize profusely, and you accept of course — what are friends for after all? But you always know to keep a few Kleenexes balled up in your clutch, for when the inevitable happens again.
9. The one who doesn’t seem drunk. And they probably aren’t. You thought they had the same amount of drinks as you, yet they remain composed and cute and you need to grab the walls for support. Either their tolerance is through the roof, or they didn’t actually drink as much as you. Either way, they end up on top — they wake up feeling like a million bucks and you feel like a semi-truck hit you in the face (and stomach). This friend is also a helpful tool, as they will remember elements of the night that you won’t — they remember and recount all the good stories.
I’m sure there’s plenty more, but these nine are my tired and true. Go forth and party my friends.