I apologize to anyone who was looking for a post about the Department of Motor Vehicles (though, I’m not sure what would possess you to click that). While that does sound thrilling, this post describes characters you will run into while in the DC, Maryland, and Northern Virginia region of our country, (the DMV to locals)
1. The Politician or Government Employee
Professional and stressed, yet well dressed, these individuals run our area. Though he or she has an agonizingly dry workday, they have a stable job and make good money. This individual spends more time on the Metro than in their living room, but lucky for them, last year’s paid furlough made up for it. (Too soon?).
Last seen in: Capital Hill, Downtown DC, and NOVA.
2. The Hippie
You will find this individual gardening, boycotting aluminum-deodorant, posting articles that criticize the production of water bottles, or attending a GMO-free protest. They stock up on kale, beets, spinach, and dried goji berries for sustenance; forget the silver hot dog stands downtown. Due to their love for locally made organics, they will swear by Terressentials Clay Hair Wash, which is essentially the same thing as rubbing mud on their scalp. (Yes, I use it and love it).
Last seen in: Takoma Park and Frederick.
3. The Hipster/ Artist
Whether this individual is a musician, a fine artist, or just a straight up hipster, you will find them sprawling through the DMV. Macklemore wasn’t the first to visit a thrift shop, and our hipsters make sure he won’t be the last. This individual attended the Corcoran, MICA, or the Art Institute, and they currently lease a cramped studio outside of DC in which they create daily masterpieces. They have a knack for finding small coffee shops in Springfield and may be found searching the merch at Atomic Music.
Last seen in: Charles Village, Bowie, and Beltsville.
4. The Sports Fanatic
You name it, they love it—rugby, lacrosse, hockey—it doesn’t matter the sport. Fans in this region have 2 football teams to pick from and two baseball teams. Depending who you’re around, choose wisely and tread lightly. FYI, a true Redskins fan wouldn’t be caught dead in purple (not even when the Ravens won last year’s big game). The Sports Fanatic likely attended UMD, or, less commonly, Towson. Thus, sports are a way of life.
Last seen: Everywhere.
5. The Rich Twenty-Something
Only in and around DC is it possible to stalk—I mean see—so many rich and beautiful young men and young women. Thanks a lot, Georgetown; all I got was a pricey (yet, delicious) gourmet cupcake to munch on and no rich guy bought it for me.
Last seen in: Georgetown, Potomac, and Fairfax.
6. The Sailor or Boater
Whether a beautiful sailboat in Annapolis or a sleek motorboat on the Potomac, the DMV has our fair share of water enthusiasts. Don’t miss the humble kayaker, while you are at it! You will recognize The Sailor or Boater by the “Salt Life” sticker plastered on their SUV, which is probably trailing their boat as we speak.
Last seen in: Kent Island, Baltimore, and Alexandria.
7. The Farmer
Maryland is technically part of the south, so you will find country folks here and there. The Farmer can be found caring for horses, raising cows, and growing vegetables. No need to head to Giant for eggs; The Farmer gathers 5 dozen eggs per week from their chickens. They are with a simpler way of life; blasting Keith Urban on a weathered Boombox while riding a big, green tractor isn’t an unusual activity. The best part of the year is farmer’s market season, when we all reap the benefits of their hard work.
Last Seen In: Davidsonville, Dunkirk, and Leesburg.