I’m sorry I laughed after the first time we had sex. It’s just that I’d never had a guy express his climax with voice, loud enough for me to hear. Without a filter. Without fear of sounding not sexy enough or too much like a weirdo.
Honestly, most guys are silent during the whole thing – the irony of machismo and relating masculinity to sex with such a loud voice and men actually being silent during sex sort of cracks me up.
Your authenticity with me for the first time. It caught me off guard.
See, the sex I’ve had has been rough, dynamic, boring, drunken, obligatory, exciting, unplanned, planned, off the side of the bed, in a frat house attic, in my dorm room, on a boat, in a hot tub and not in the library. The sex I’ve had has not been intimate, emotional, close and uncomfortable with how comfortable we are together.
From the very first time we slept together, we were acting out unspoken thoughts. And so I laughed, because I was pretending we weren’t, and then you came, and you were.
And all I could do was laugh through my realization that we’d both figured it out – that we are in it with each other.
I made you check-in with me at 3 a.m. “Where are you at? I am here. Is that ok? I’ve never been in a relationship, is that ok? I swear it is not because I am weird. OMG YOU LIKE ME!”
So thanks for doing that. And not getting caught up on that fact that I laughed when you came. Because a giggle in a time of passion can mean many things. Maybe you understood what was happening and that is why you let it slide.