How do you let go of something that’s so familiar? The same thing that made you feel alive, and invincible? It doesn’t happen all in one day that’s for sure. One day you’re going to wake up and you’re not going to worry about the past, you’re not going to let your old life consume you as it used to.
One summer night you will see the person who broke your heart. You might see him while you’re out with your friends, and the unthinkable will take place. The one who broke your heart, the one who made you feel like you were worthless will be standing right in front of you, in the flesh. And he will kiss you. He will lean in, and you’ll stare at his baby blue eyes as your lips touch his. You will feel all your pieces realign and everything will start to make sense again. You will kiss him back because you know you’ll regret it if you don’t. You will kiss him back because you think about all the times you wished you had one more chance to do so. Your lips will part and you will look at each other the way you once did. You will look at each other the way you did when you were in love.
That won’t be the last time it happens. It will last all summer until you leave for college.
You will see this person over Thanksgiving break at least once. You’ve been waiting for this moment since you left in August. You’ve created numerous situations in your head and your body is filled with anxiety. However, this time it will be different. You will both be drunk, and he will do the one thing you can’t say no to. He will kiss you, and you will kiss him back because he’s your only weakness. When it’s over you will look at each other, and you will feel at home again, but you won’t feel satisfied. You will stare at the one person who destroyed you, and you will suddenly realize that he’s no longer the person who can fix you.
It’s amazing what time can do for a person. You’ve heard the saying, “Out of sight out of mind,” and at some point in your life that saying will hold more meaning than it ever has before.
You will seem him one last time this year, because you found out he’s not coming home this summer. Over winter break you will see the same person who ended it all, the person who was your best friend, the one who you used to tell every little thing to. You will see him and he will see you. For once in your nineteen years of living your heart won’t drop, you won’t feel sick, and you will just stare. Sure you’ll feel as if you entered a time warp, unable to escape, but you will say hello with a smile, and carry on. You might be nostalgic for a minute, but that feeling will pass quicker than it ever has before. For the first time in a long time, you will feel ok. The trend continues and he will try to kiss you, only this time you will reject him. You will stare at his big blue eyes, the eyes that used to make your heart flutter, and this time, you will only see them as blue eyes and nothing more.
Congratulations, you made it. It might have taken some time but you finally see your self worth. You will see this person who gave you the world, only to rip it away from you, and you’ll finally realize he’s nothing but a faint memory. He is no longer the one who makes you happy. And you will smile because you never thought you’d see the day.