Sitting in the doctor’s office after being violated by the typical yearly check up to make sure that my lady parts are still working, I’m waiting for the news that I’ve always wanted. The news that my reproductive system is doing its job and now I can be a mother. But that’s not what happens. I’m sitting there waiting and wishing for the news that I can finally start the family that I’ve always wanted to have, but the news I received isn’t what I wanted or expected. As a woman, you never want to hear that you will not be able to conceive especially if you are someone who wants children more than anything.
Hearing those words is like a stab in the gut, not just once, but a repeated gut-wrenching feeling that you are useless.
All the emotions and negative thoughts rush my mind as I think about what society would say about me. Society says that I am not a real woman if I can’t conceive. Society says that I am worthless unless I have children. Society says if I can’t give my husband a child, then I am useless to him. Society doesn’t tell me that there are other options out there. Society doesn’t tell me that the years and years of practicing self-love would now come in handy. Society doesn’t tell you how much this world needs me in other ways. Society tells women that if they cannot have a child from our own womb, they are worthless and a failure, so much so that women believe that their life becomes pointless.
Yes, I fall as a victim to this every day as I think about the possibility of not having a baby with the man I love. Yes, I lie awake at night and cry because my heart breaks every time I replay the doctor walking into the room. Yes, I have many anxiety attacks, wondering if my partner will leave me for someone who can give him what I can’t. Yes, I fall victim to what society wants us, as women, to feel like.
But what society doesn’t tell you is that being a mother does not define who you are as a woman.
It doesn’t make you or break you in your professional life and shouldn’t make or break you in your love life. Your story isn’t over—keep trying. Go to a fertility specialist, take those drugs they prescribe, research and look into adoption, save a child who would have been in the foster care system. Your story isn’t over because society says it is. Women are powerful and influential and beautiful and strong with or without children of our own.