I Never Should Have Loved Someone Like You

When we met, my world became brighter. The sun began to shine more, the sky was bluer, and stars shone brighter.

From the moment we met I knew I was born to love you, but boy was I wrong.

I got so caught up in the beauty of your eyes and curve of your smile that I forgot to look out for the evilness inside your soul. I forgot to protect myself and take things slow.

All my brokenness seemed to disappear but what I didn’t realize is that soon you would be my brokenness. That you would be the reason why I would feel like I could never love again. That you would be the reason I would be lying on the floor at 3am thinking that I was having a heart attack.

I didn’t realize that then, but I do now. I realize that I was just a pawn in your game of evil, I was just the girl to take advantage of and to lie to and beat down.

You made me trust you in a way I never trusted anyone. I told you my life story, my deepest secrets.

When things were good, they were great. When things were bad, they were terrible. But I didn’t care.

I let you become so close to me until you knew what would destroy me. And boy you played me good, better than anyone I’ve ever known and I only blame myself.

I blame myself for loving you, for letting you in and letting you lay your hands on me. You did not only physically hurt me, you emotionally destroyed me.

For months I did not think I was going to make it out alive. I wouldn’t be able to breathe because that night would play over and over in my head. You attacking me, you telling me that you were going to end your life.

Even after you left bruises on my face, I still worried about your safety and your well-being. Not mine. That’s how fucked up you had me. That’s how much you made me love you.

You made me weak when I wanted to be strong and you made me cry when I wanted to smile.

Nobody knows the exact damage you did to me. Yes, everyone knows about the bruises on the outside, but not about the bruises on the inside.

It isn’t the fact that you attacked me, it’s the fact that you betrayed me. You took me for granted and used the things I told you that hurt me in my past to destroy me in the present.

You never appreciated the one person in your life who would have loved you until the end of the world and who would have stood up for you when everyone was not in your corner.

You did this. But you know there are good thing that come from this — not for you, but for me.

I am not wrapped up in your narcissistic personality anymore. And I will find someone who will love me and accept me for who I am.

Someone who will pick up the pieces that you scattered everywhere.

Someone who will pick me up off the floor and make me believe again.

Someone who will make me smile and laugh like you never could.

Someone who will cherish the time spent with me and plan to be with me as much as they can.

Someone who will kiss me from head to toe and love every inch of my body.

Someone who will make me fall in love with them and make me believe that love is genuine and trustworthy.

I will find someone who will not hurt me. And I want to thank you for showing me your true colors and for showing me the man I deserve to have in my life.

Thank you for showing me to take things slow. Thank you for reminding me that I am strong and when I feel like giving up that it isn’t worth it.

Thank you for showing me that I am better off without you. I want to say thank you for letting me be in your life, but then I would be lying so just thank you for being a lesson to learn by.

And God bless whatever girl eventually ends up with you. Just know I’ll be praying for her to find out the real you before she gets in too deep.