Trying To Forget You At 2AM

张 学欢

Do you remember those nights?

Those nights when we stayed up until 2 o’clock in the morning, thinking about random what if’s and could be’s and all the funny things in between. I’ve always known myself to forget tiny details, small fragments and what seemed like trifling memories. But you, with hindsight, you are nothing short of unimportant. I remember because those nights are worth remembering. You are worth remembering.

But am I worth reminiscing?

Believe it or not, I’ve tried forcefully forgetting. I had countless attempts of trying to loose vivid sights of those nights regardless when it was the time when: we wondered if there were other universes out there; we held hands and stared at the starry skies; we listened to the tunes you liked; we listened to the tunes I liked; we watched horrifying movies and you didn’t mind sharing your pillow with me; we sat in anticipation to what the next episode of your favorite TV series will be; when you shared your deepest, darkest secrets; when you planned on running away. I tried to let go of: stolen glimpses of you while you’re too busy to notice; the promises you made; the promises I made; and my personal favorite, the times when there was only silence and we had nothing else to say.

I still remember them all—the bests, and worsts, and all the parts we can’t even sort.

Do you remember those nights? I’m not sure. Probably, you don’t.
And that’s okay.

It’s okay because, I’ll always be here to remember it for you—that even we bid our good byes during the last night we spent together, I won’t forget. Even if I want to, I honestly don’t think I’ll ever endure because no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I am naturally drawn to you. I already kept it locked in box, kept it safe and well-protected. Even if I don’t want to, I’m certain I will still find any hint of you everywhere. I will try to find pieces of you in everyone.

Worse, I will still think of the ultimatum: ‘what if it were you and me?’

And if I suddenly get shortsighted, there is nothing to worry about. After all, it really wasn’t just the two of us, another figure is a witness to all the heartbreaks, vows, and random conversations.

We were not alone—2AM has heard and seen it all. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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