When you tell me that you miss me, my very being begins to shake. These roots that you buried deep within my soul are rising to the surface. It’s only been a matter of days and yet I still find my cheeks stained from the night before.
In my mind, I know that you are still present as ever. In my heart, I have lost you in a whole other sense. I do not expect you or anyone else to understand where my mind has been in your absence. I have undergone so many different mindsets during this very brief period.
There was a time when I thought that I needed your validation to be something special. I was living with the idea that if I was beautiful in your eyes, it must be true. I would venture back within old conversations searching for moments that made me feel like I really was perfect in your gaze worthy eyes.
After all, you’ve always seemed like an absolute angel in my mind. How could it have ever been possible to ever view me in such a flattering light?
I was living in a delusional fantasy of my mind. For some reason, I believed that you could have been a soulmate. I figured that there was some magic reason as to why we always fall back into each other. The universe was trying to tell me that maybe you really were the man of my wildest dreams. I know this all sounds absolutely ridiculous but it was how I felt. I do not deny that I can be an overly dramatic being but I have always believed in fairy tales.
My heart had cast you as the prince when maybe in reality I was only ever meant to be one of those reliable animal sidekicks.
It should be a relief that I am able to have you in my life at all still but I know that I will always hold onto some hope for one day. I have an insufferable crush on you that has continued to blossom into an absolute nightmare. During this small hiatus, I find myself tossing and turning late into the night. My mind stays awake with the thought of you from wondering how your day was to hoping that you are so happy. I will not deny that I am glad that you found someone to make you happy.
You deserve everything good that this world has to offer. However, I am deeply saddened that I am not the one who holds your heart of gold.
These thorns of hurt have been planted by myself and I will never hold resentment towards you for how I am feeling. Compliments and sweet words do happen to come from friends and now I know that you were just being a kind friend. I mistook simple things like that for some epic romance.
My life is forever better with you in it but I know that for at least the time being, I am going to continue to struggle with my feelings. Where I used to tell you everything, I will have to keep to myself in some areas of my life. I could not bear to lose you over my embarrassing feelings towards you.
For the time being, I will remain distant from your life. It is just the easiest route while I am still trying to adjust back. I miss you too, so incredibly much. It’s just too hard for me to see your name light up my phone again. If you ever need me though, I will be there in a heartbeat. At the end of day, I only ever want to see you succeed. I miss how happy you used to be and if she is the one to help lift your spirit, so be it. You will not find me asking how you and her are doing because as long as she is filling your world with love and respect, that’s all that matters.
Her, remember to remind him that he is doing great. Remind him how much of an amazing human being he is. He sometimes forgets that he is absolutely spectacular. It is always important to know that he is a cartoon addict and that you will hear countless quotes throughout your conversations.
Ask him for photos of himself, he deserves to be admired everyday. His body runs on the warm side of things but not as much as his heart. Just because he doesn’t express his feelings every second does not mean that he doesn’t care. He is doing so great with conveying his feelings that he deserves an award for all the progress he has made.
Know that you can talk to him about absolutely anything without ever judging you. Realize that if you ever need him, he will jump at the chance to be there for you even if he is unsure of how to be. Find out just how intelligent the man behind the well grown beard is.
Admire every part of him: Mind, Body, and Soul. He is without a doubt, the most incredible being I have ever had the pleasure of meeting in my life. You have to treasure him in every way possible and please protect his heart with every fiber of your being. I love you and wish the best for you, always.