It can be incredibly disheartening when your family does not accept who you have decided to share your life with. What can you do when your family completely loathes your significant other?
What is your course of action when the woman who gave you life tells you that she doesn’t trust your beloved? That you could do so much better! You know you want to marry this person and yet, this is the life you would have to subject them too? A life of judgment and ridicule? Being reminded that any disagreement, or fight is an opening for “I told you so!” or “I told you this was a big mistake!”. What do you do when no one loves the one your heart has chosen?
My advice to anyone going through this situation is pull yourself out of it and take a bird’s eye view of the situation.
Now, here is some food for thought:
1. You’re born with a family. You can’t choose your family. You probably choose them on a soul level to grow and expand and all these kinds of things; however, you can choose your friends and you can choose who you spend the rest of your life with. This might be an opportunity for you to love your family but you don’t have to agree with them.
2. Moms can be jealous especially if their sense of worth is in their children. They haven’t defined their own sense of worth beyond their title. Maybe she’s afraid of losing control. Maybe she’s afraid of separation. She sees this other person as somebody who can be in control of you because she can’t. Now, just have some compassion for your mom if that’s potentially what’s going on. It is not healthy. It is not kind. We don’t have to be upset about that. We can just be compassionate about that and maybe have conversations with your beloved about that as well. Be tolerant of your mom and see if you can let that part go.
3. Protect your partner. I don’t want you to keep putting them in the line of fire all the time. If it’s not a safe place for them to be right now then they don’t have to come over. They don’t have to try and win them over. They’re not good enough if they win them over. What you resist persists. Just for now let it go.
4. Don’t spend as much time around your family. Spend time separate with your significant other as long as there is nothing to trigger you, nothing to make you emotionally upset, and nothing to control you. Your family is either going to step up or step aside. Perhaps they will choose to practice unconditional love and love you no matter who you choose and will have your back through thick and thin. Or, perhaps your family will never come around, it’s rare but it is a possibility. Not that you have to choose between one or the other, but you’re becoming your own person and no longer live with your biological parents.
You’re creating a new life and if it means that you spend significantly less time with your mother and father and more time with your beloved soon-to-be life partner, so be it. Hopefully, they’ll come around and even if they don’t you, know that in your heart of hearts you can trust what’s true and right for you.