What do you do when you have someone that pursues you and just don’t get the hint that you are not interested? Sure, it is flattering to have some smitten by you and a great boost to the ego BUT what if it is more of a playground crush than a mature infatuation? The individual is just arrogant to the point that it is nauseating. Instead of expressing his feelings, he turns it around and says you are secretly in love with him and playing hard to get. So, essentially, it’s like being in kindergarten, and he is on recess pulling your pigtails, so to speak. What can you do to let him know that you are just not interested?
The first thing is to abandon the arrogance on both ends. Yes, by you saying you are “just not interested” is a type of arrogance as well. Changing our perspective can change our outcome. Moving towards “I am flattered but” takes away the hostility of flat-out denial. The next thing to do is to look inward. Why does this bother you as much as it does? Again, if he is playing games – do not be an opponent, step away. When we can own it, we can change it. Now, own it doesn’t mean judge it, because that’s just going to exacerbate the problem. The problem underneath arrogance is insecurity, fear. That’s all it is. Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough. Any of this sound familiar? If you’d be willing to look, that’s what’s going on inside of you.
When somebody is attracted to you, you have two choices, to resist and judge and be arrogant, or to receive. You can acknowledge and move on or you can receive and be very gracious about it. The idea is just to be in allowance of it and not judge it as good or bad, right or wrong, and not to judge ourselves as superior, and them inferior, because that’s arrogant.
Underneath it all is insecurity of like. Just be. He likes you. That’s flattering. That doesn’t happen to everybody. Learn to be grateful. Be in allowance, and be gracious with a tender heart that is interested in you, and care for that heart in a kind way, and communicate in a way that’s flattered and gracious, and yet firm and clear so there are healthy boundaries.
Let’s not reject. Let’s not be superior. We are all doing our best.