Intimacy. Passion. Desire. The moments on the big screen fictionally created by Hollywood that can make a person blush and squirm just a little in their seats. The issue? Reality isn’t quite as explosive and glorious. Why? For the simple fact that men reach their sexual peak before women. When a woman is in her prime, men may find themselves facing issues that question their masculinity. As an intimacy coach, most men who have shared their concerns with me, have explained the effects of stress, self-judgment, and inadequacy and how it is impacting their relationships, marriage, and self-esteem. From erectile dysfunction to the sheer lack of desire, they feel emasculated and ashamed, overshadowed by the memories of their prime and prowess of their youth.
When caught in the moments of self-doubt, a man will find excuses as to why he is not able to be intimate with his beloved. The desire is there, the confidence is not. They search their minds for the answers but dismiss that the resolution is within their bodies. Men lose sight on the voice of their body: their heart, their hips, their groin, their power. If a man can let go of how odd it may initially be to talk to their body, they will see amazing results. It’s incredible that for example; a black cloud of smoke in their pelvic region has a lot of profound insights to share about WHY his libido is blocked.
Clearly, if he’s been judged for his kinky fantasies or not being able to hold an erection, made wrong for his sex drive, or cheated on or told he wasn’t bold, dark or bad boy enough, that judgment blocks his sexual energy. To move forward, he must release that negativity, heal, shift his energy, and get himself back on track. He must understand and accept that women appreciate far more in terms of intimacy and eventually lovemaking. There are so many ways two people can enjoy each other’s bodies and stay present instead of spinning in their minds.
Another area that men do not directly connect to intimacy issues, is the lack of purpose. The necessity of purpose can stop the expansion. It can create a revolving door of judgment as he may not feel that he is enough, worthy enough, perfect in every moment. By not fulfilling a purpose, a man doesn’t feel inspired to show up with a lightness of what’s possible. Instead, he bares the heaviness of being a failure before he even begins. This failure would be detrimental to a libido. I mean, why try if you’ve already failed? This thought process would make anyone more timid in the bedroom, more susceptible to a woman’s judgments, and unable to heal.
To break free, men have to release all of the judgment from within and from others. Accept that it is ok to have a purpose but don’t let it make or break you. Instead, focus on your main priorities in life.
Boldly be yourself. Be tender and kind with your journey and ask what would it take to really enjoy your sexual nature? Pleasure, sensuality, copulation, all are your birthright to enjoy. Facilitate any change required and celebrate every step of the way!