Why Spying On Your Partner Is Absolutely Never The Answer To Cheating

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A couple is seen holding hands through tall grasses, with the Pittsburgh skyline in the background
Jen Palmer / Unsplash

You know the old saying “Do unto others…” right?

So how would you feel if someone spied on you? Read your emails? Stole your phone? Followed you in a car? Sent a private investigator to follow you?

If you suspect something, talk to your partner about it. Notice I didn’t say confront, corner or accuse. This is the time to soften your edges, allow yourself to be vulnerable, and get real about what’s not working in your relationship – express your fears. If you don’t make it safe to talk about what’s not working, then people tend to feel validated for doing things that harm the relationship in order to assert themselves (or find an easy way out). If you have a policy to be in allowance of what’s true for one another (give space to honor and communicate) and you agree to stay and contribute to one another so long as what they choose works for you (i.e. stay together as long as you both are happy), it’s always safe to be real, honest, and open.

The downward spiral begins when we deny or shame a part of ourselves, hide it, stop hanging with our friends, let go of our favorite hobby, stop kissing like that because they hate it, stop wearing that because they don’t like it, and so on. Now imagine how this may impact you. Can you feel yourself getting smaller and your life force energy getting weaker? Can you sense how resentments would grow, and expand until one day someone tells you they LOVE horseback riding or adore wearing huge funky scarves and VOILA! Validation! They SEE me! They GET me and before you know it… infidelity.

What if it never got to that stage because you decided:

1) to honor you
2) to honor your partner
3) to tell the truth
4) to live your truth, free of judgment of self or other, focusing on what you could contribute to one another’s lives to make it more delicious?

What if you could decide all of this AND only choose to be someone with which that would work?

How wonderful would that be? Be willing to have clear communication at the beginning and watch how your relationship can get stronger over time as more respect, honor, and joyous experiences unfold. TC mark

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