Nobody tells you about the part when you can barely walk up a few stairs without feeling your heart pounding, and losing your breath.
Nobody tells you about your hair falling out in clumps in the shower.
Nobody tells you about constantly feeling like you’re going to faint.
Nobody tells you about hard it is to go out with your family and friends to dinner.
Nobody tells you that no matter how many times you get on the scale, the number you see is never enough.
No one tells you about the immediate guilt you feel after eating the smallest piece of food.
How badly it hurts to feel your body collapsing beneath you.
Nobody told me these things. Society told me when I was skinny, I would finally look good in a bikini.
I would get more likes on Instagram.
People would think I was prettier.
I would finally be happy.
And yet, I never was.
No matter how many calories I burned, no matter how many ab works I did, I was never happy with the way my body looked.
And that’s because it will never satisfy the longing you are looking for.
Eating disorders are based on lies and deception.
There is no “perfect weight”.
There is no magic number that will suddenly cure all your problems.
I learned that the hard way. I spent years destroying my body, and the number never once made me say, “I’m finally happy. I’ll stop now.”
I’m tired of our society glamorizing eating disorders. I’m tired of people promoting diet culture. There is nothing glamorous about losing your period and feeling like your heart is going to burst.
Nothing beautiful about being fed from a feeding tube.
It’s time for people to start realizing these are serious, mental illnesses- not a phase or a diet.
Please take the time to educate yourselves, and do your part in ending the stigma around all mental illness.
If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, please call 1- 800- 931-2237 for help.