To My Best Friend Who Is Struggling

Two women giving the V gesture near San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge
Ian Schneider / Unsplash

I’m sitting here crying while writing this. Knowing you are struggling so terribly and I can’t do anything to help or comfort you, breaks my heart. I wish our world was more educated about mental illness, and how devastating they are. I wish they cared more, so people like us would not have to suffer so greatly.

I wish I could be there with you, to hold your hand and let you know that I am by your side, and rooting for you. You have been my best friend for such a short period of time, but when God gave me you, He sent me an angel. Words cannot describe how much you mean to me, and how empty my world would be if you were not it.

I know you are hurting, and your eating disorder is telling you lies, but I am here to tell you the truth: that you are so much stronger than you believe, and you have everything you need inside of you to beat this again. You are always my strength when I need it, and now it’s my turn.

To think I was just texting you a few nights ago and everything seemed okay, and then I get a text that you were back in treatment, and that was the worst thing I could ever wake up to.

Not having you by my side is something I never wanted to experience. We’ve been inseparable since we’ve met, and a part of me feels missing with you not here. I never thought we would be as close as we are, and having you in my life is one of the biggest blessings I have ever had.

I am forever grateful we hung out on that day after Russian and went to Central Park to share our lives with each other, and soon find out that we are literally the same person. It’s not often you find someone who you relate to in every single way, but we do.

I wouldn’t want to do this “life” thing with anyone else. You made this past year of school the best year I have had in a long time. I have never laughed so much in my life, and I owe that to you. All the nights we stayed up watching Bridesmaids and Girl’s trip and quoting every single line.

I hate that I can’t be with you while you’re away. I’m no therapist but I know we got through so many hard battles together this past semester, and having you by my side made me all the stronger.

I know you won’t get the chance to read this until you get home. I don’t know when that will be, but I pray that it is soon so we can continue to laugh and cry and beat our demons, together. Eating disorders may always be part of our lives, but they will never be what defines us, and I hope you believe that; but if not, I will be here every day to remind you until you do.

I love you. Please get better and come home. TC mark

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