I stare down at my empty left hand and it feels so light compared to just a couple months ago. My phone’s camera roll is littered with pictures of me in my dream wedding gown and others I felt like a princess in. I am reminded of what could have been, and the sting in my stomach still burns from time to time.
This is what it feels like going from becoming a wife to becoming single.
You went from finally getting used to calling him a fiancé instead of boyfriend to saying you are single, and it feels unfamiliar. How did you go from telling people your proposal story to telling them about a first date? You wonder where it all went astray as you try to pinpoint the moment he fell out of love with you.
Adjusting to single life when you were in the process of adjusting to becoming a wife is a difficult process. You question yourself on everything you do and say. It’s been over half a decade since you traveled this road, and it’s a strange road to travel again. While oddly familiar, it’s uncomfortable as you retell your story to strangers in smoky bars over a cold beer.
Navigating this new single world alone terrifies you. Just months ago, you were looking up honeymoons in Mexico, talking about your dream home must haves, having a discussion on when you would have your first baby, and now you are staring down at an empty left hand.
But as time goes on, you begin to smile at the thought of a first date. You’ll feel butterflies for the first time in years when he grabs your hand in the car. You forgot the feeling of the excitement of new beginnings, and you start to embrace your racing heartbeat and blushing cheeks when he leans in for a first kiss.
You start to see the world in a new light, one that you did not even realize was blocked from the man who was not right for you. And then it hits you.
He was not right for you; you were never meant to be his wife.
You go back to your camera roll and stare at yourself one last time in that dream gown before hitting delete and erasing the what-could-have-been’s. You take a deep breath, and for the first time in months, it feels like you can breathe again.
You went from becoming an almost wife to now living your best life, and to that we all raise a glass.