1. Treat yourself!
Get a new Coffee Mug! Coffee mugs are the window to your soul. It lets people know what kind of person you are! Do you like cats? Are you sassy? Are you the #1 of anything? Your old one is fine, but a new one will keep your coworkers on their toes. Not to mention, it’s a great conversation starter at the Keurig when it works.
It’s no secret that staying healthy has a positive effect on all aspects of your life! Talk about how you reached your goal of 10,000 steps yesterday! Say it loudly with brazen pride and a smidgen of aggression. After all, it IS a competition.
3. Do something unexpected!
The key to a zesty work marriage is breaking up routine. Try something different from what you’re normally used to doing! Need to reach a coworker a few cubicles down? This time, don’t use your boring phone or humdrum email! Instead, scream that person’s name across the room! Oops, they’re wearing headphones listening to Steve Harvey’s “Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man” on audio? Should you message them over gchat? No, that’s what stupid people who don’t know anything do! Scream their name again! They’re trying to ignore you? Scream louder and throw a stapler at them! Then when you have their attention, scream your question too! For example, “WHAT FLIGHT IS JAMES ON? I DON’T FEEL LIKE LOOKING AT THE GRID YOU SPENT HOURS ON!” Then sit back, relax and enjoy the view as they rush over to talk to you like an actual human being!
4. Quality time!
Schedule a lunch with a new employee!
5. You time!
Cancel that lunch, because you don’t feel like it today!
All marriages have their problems, and when something goes wrong that is clearly not your fault, don’t be quick to blame or attack. Instead try shooting an email to the employee who made the mistake and attempt to work things out together. Make sure to CC your boss, so he/she can act as an unbiased mediator!
7. Learn something new!
Walk up to a quiet co-worker and ask them why they are so quiet. It’s your right to know, because this person is different from you!
8. Remember your Favorite things!
It’s easy to forget to focus on what you’re passionate about when you’re trapped behind a computer screen. On Fridays, tell everyone how excited you are it’s the weekend. Change it up! Say it in a singsongy way, like “It’s Friiii—daa—aayyy!” If you aren’t gifted musically, go ahead and take an actual quote from a song about the weekend! Like R. Kelly’s Remix to Ignition, “It’s the freakin’ weekend baby, ‘bout to have me some fun!” They’ll laugh out of recognition of the song, and you will have made a connection to last a lifetime.
This is the most important trait to keep things lively in the conference room, and we’ve got the secret on how to achieve it! Before the meeting begins, ask what everyone is doing for the big event of “Weekend,” and as they drone on about Netflix, retreat to the darkest caves of your mind where the younger you accuses you of selling out, becoming the person you said you’d never be, and try to remember when the exact moment happened where it all changed, and you became a prisoner of your own life. You said it was temporary, that you just needed to save up a little bit, but then they gave you health insurance, and that felt nice, so you stuck around for another year. Here you are five years later, and you don’t even know what makes you happy anymore. Snap back to reality right as your coworker finishes telling you about their plans, and finish off with a strong, confident “Cool!”