It will get to the point that instead of it getting harder everyday, it will get easier. It will take a long time but you can get through this. I believe in you.
It may feel like you’re never going to get over them, but trust me, you will. You will find someone else who looks at you like you created the world, like you put the stars in the sky.
They will find the good in all of your bad. They will let you be yourself and they will accept you fully. They will look at you in awe and amazement. They will look at your smile and think, ‘I’m so lucky.’
They will sit with you outside at 1 am by the pond and under that tree with both of your initials carved into the bark. And you’ll both be staring up at the night sky when they ask you to be theirs.
Or it will get to the point that instead of it getting easier, it just becomes something you live with. You’ll see them on the sidewalks in town, or you’ll see them in the hallways at school and you’ll look at each other and think, ‘I loved you once.’ And keep on walking.
You could even see them and they not actually be there. For example, every time you look at that couch across the room from where the fireplace sits in the lounge at Boyne Mountain, you’ll see you two sitting there, listening to music or each other’s heartbeats.
You’ll think of how you both thought you ditched each other when you got back into town that evening, when really, you both miscommunicated. You would get hurt and go sit by that tree, that later that night, they would ask you to be theirs underneath.
Later, at around 11 that night, they would come by the tree, by the pond, and sit with you. They had rode their longboard so you would both have a place to sit besides the cold, damp ground.
You were still in your tank top and shorts so they gave you their jacket to wear. You were all mad and sad from before. You both apologized and rest assured, they were incredibly nervous when asking you to be theirs.
You obviously said yes, and thus it begun. The beginning of a love unlike any other.
After a month, you both fought off and on, they almost broke up with you once or twice. But they stayed because they loved you, and leaving someone you love isn’t right.
A few days later, sixteen to be exact, they actually broke up with you. And at first you remained intact. That night, although, you spent time with one of your old summer flings. You drove up to an overlook that showed all of Charlevoix. You made out in the backseat with them.
When you got home they texted you, saying they hadn’t yet moved on from their last relationship. And that’s when you realized how hurt you really were. Not from them, no, but from the them from before. The one who just shattered your mind, heart and soul. They loved you, or at least it felt like it.
A week before it ended they started to ignore you. They started to make up excuses and lies for missing a date or two.
You wrote paragraphs about your love for them on their Facebook page, hoping that they would like or comment or even ask you about it to verify that they saw it.
When they broke up with you, they said they lost connection. That they weren’t really into the relationship anymore. That they weren’t as happy as they thought they were at the start of the relationship.
When they said that last thought, everything you knew was fiction now. What was once true to you and your relationship with them, was now lies.
It made you question every word they ever said to you or about you. As if they had been wearing a disguise the whole time. A disguise that was happy.
True, you guys did have many ups and downs but you got through it. They loved you, it’s just their version of love is completely different from your’s. Your version of love is communication, effort, shown affection and beauty. Their version is no communication, little effort, spoken affection and sex.
They only want the love that is the look of the relationship but without the blood, sweat, and tears because they don’t deserve it. Because they’ve been hurt too many times to count. Because they think that they are doing you a favor by asking you out.
Love is a two-way street. You can’t just get off of the street and fly away from all your problems when it gets hard. You can take a break and rest on the sidewalk if you want. Or you can keep on walking all the way to the end of the road. And you should keep on walking, hand and hand with that person.
And if they turn around and walk away, keep on walking. Don’t look back. Because if they can leave you walking alone on that road, they aren’t strong enough to love you the way you deserve to be loved.
And you do deserve to be loved.
‘You only accept the love you think you deserve.’ – unknown.
You grew up with that anonymous quote stitched into your brain. You’ve known it since infancy. It’s not a mystery to you anymore. You figured it out when your heart shut that door to your family and friends.
You’re the one who made it impossible for you to ever find love again. Don’t blame it on your looks or your personality. Even if you’re sour and mean, there is still someone who loves you and cares about you.
They most likely couldn’t imagine life without you. Don’t take them for granted, because one person treated you bad. Not all men are dogs, and not all girls are completely feminine.
Be who you want to be. Don’t be ashamed of who that person is or will be. Love with all you can and love who you want. Life has many doors, as seas have many fish. So keep your eyes wide open.
Just because you lost someone you loved a lot, doesn’t mean that you have to close your heart to someone else who will love you more than twice as much.
Love is a wonderful thing. It has sad parts to it. It is mainly happy, cheerful, and glad. Wipe your tears, dear. Just be glad with the experiences you’ve had and the people you’ve met, the songs you’ve sung and the awards you’ve won.
It may hurt now, but trust me, you can get through this. It will get to the point that instead of it getting harder every day, it will get easier.
And you may look at all of the places you’ve been with them, and cry a little bit. You may go sit under that tree again, on the day that would’ve been a year with them, and carve out your guy’s initials again, but not because you miss them. But because you’ve made amends with what happened.
It will get to the point that instead of it getting harder everyday, it will get easier. It will take a long time but you can get through this.
I believe in you. It may feel like you’re never going to get over them but trust me you will. You will find someone else who looks at you like you created the world, like you put the stars in the sky. You will find the good in all of your bad. You will look at your own smile and think, ‘I’m so lucky to be me.’ And smile back at your reflection.
You’ll sit outside at 1 am under that tree with both of your initials already carved into the bark. And you’ll be staring up at the night sky when you remember how they asked you to be theirs. And in the end, you’ll be okay. I promise.
At least I hope you will be.
I was told that I will find someone better. Well, I once thought that they were better. That’s what hurts. They are all I want. And all they want is some other person’s body heat. Some other person’s soul to read. Some other set of lips to kiss besides mine.
They don’t miss my voice in the way that I miss theirs. They don’t miss my voice at all.
I once loved that person more than anything else in the world, even when they yelled at me that they hated me. Still for them, my heart still beats. And for them, my heart still bleeds.
I’m bleeding out poems and dead flowers for a person who bleeds smoke and toxic fire. I’m sitting here writing this while my heart is shattering to pieces, acting like I can help you get over the person who hurt you when I’m not even over the person who hurt me.
I spend every day telling myself that I’m over them when really, I’m breaking.
I’m frozen but still moving. I’m still going on with my life and they are still going on with theirs. I guess that’s what hurts. Knowing that they are still living and breathing and not frozen in time.
I see so many photos of couples holding each other and smiling. And I sometimes imagine myself in the photo, holding someone. But the only face I can think of to be in that photo with me, is theirs.
They had a problem with staying loyal to their feelings. They couldn’t control them for longer than a month. They kept looking at other people, texting other people.
While they ignored you to text those other people, you ignored the people that actually wanted you.
They kept finding stupid reasons to start fights. They kept cancelling dates because they were tired and it had ‘been a long night.’ They made up countless excuses for why they couldn’t come see you.
When you were sick and practically bedridden, you still went to see them. You walked a mile in the pouring rain just for them to say they were too tired to go on a date.
They never did anything for you. They wouldn’t dream of moving those mountains you struggle to climb. Yet, you would always move those mountains for them.
Yet, you still miss the way they used to stare at you and say, ‘You’re beautiful.’ You miss the way they always smiled at you like they had never smiled that much before.
You miss going swimming with them. You miss the way they kissed you after not seeing you for a while.
You miss the way their voice sounded when they woke up in the morning. You miss sneaking into their house and watching movies with them. You miss everything.
Anytime someone calls you the name that they always called you, it reminds you of them. It reminds you of everything you miss about them and it hurts.
The way they treated you and made you feel was like you didn’t know what was happening and as if everything was always your fault. Feeling like you only knew one side of the entire relationship when a relationship takes two.
They made you feel like you were the only one who ever lied, when it was them the whole time. It was them who messed up and let someone like you go.
They are the song that you still play on repeat, but they stopped playing your song faster than you can blink. They left you like that and said it with the classic line, ‘It’s not you, It’s me.’
We all know that’s what that phrase really means. You don’t have the right to know them anymore. You can’t tell anyone about who there are anymore because the person they showed you when you were together, became a completely different person after they broke up with you and it hurts.
It hurts when they get into a new relationship and tell your best friend that they never meant to hurt you, but they did.
What hurts is knowing that they have someone new while you’re still stuck on them as if you’re trapped in glue. You’re feet are stuck and by feet, I mean your heart. You gave it to them and they still have it.
When they broke up with you, all they did was take their heart back and walk away. They still have your heart and you can’t take it back. Taking it back involves moving on, but what if they come back?
What if they come back and give you their heart again? What if the connection they thought they lost with you comes back like lightning? What if they look at you and feel happy again?
What if? What if you move on and they come back for you? What if you unstick your heart from them and give it to someone new? To someone who puts it in a trophy case and protects it with all they have? And what if that new person, gives you their heart, and never takes it back?
What will you do then? Why are we always stuck on the what ifs and maybes. Is there really any point to constantly wondering if the what ifs will come true?
I don’t believe there is, because if there was, everyone would be single and there would be almost no love.
Love is something that no one really understands. It can make you cringe, laugh, smile, and cry. Love is something weird. Love is really hard to explain.
What I could explain about love, wouldn’t even be love. It would just be the things that you should love about your love. And what you had with them, wasn’t love. It was just the illusion of it.
Hurting is a part of life and love. Happiness cannot properly exist without its contradicting counterpart of loss, pain, hurt, and sorrow.
There scientifically cannot be a rainbow without a tiny bit of rain and sunlight. Pain, hurt, loss, and sorrow is the rain. While happiness, love, and peace is the sunlight. And the rainbow, well, the rainbow is you.
It’s your yawn when you wake up in the morning. It’s your smile you flash at your family. It’s the way you laugh through tears. It’s the way you face every fear you’ve ever had. It’s the way you cry when you’re hurt but you wipe the tears away and stand up tall and strong because you are.
You are strong. You’re strong enough to get out of bed in the morning after crying yourself to sleep that night. You’re strong enough to walk through the town you both once roamed together. You’re strong enough to find some time to laugh even though your heart wants to cry about the loss of another.
You’re strong enough to wipe those tears you cry for them away because you know that they aren’t crying to the loss that is you. They don’t deserve your tears, or your laugh, or yawns. They don’t deserve any part of you.
You walk down those streets that go by their house. You wander by that tree by the pond when they hide inside. They know you will always still go roaming outside because your love of nature was stitched into your soul. They aren’t brave enough.
Guilt will eventually consume them. They will miss you. But oh god, don’t you dare miss them. Even if they find someone new and all your old feelings for them come back, I am begging you, do not miss someone who hurt you like that. You’re so much better than that.
I can’t promise that you will get over whoever hurt you. It’s up to you to move on. I can’t move on for you.
Like the leaves that fall from that special tree by the pond, and those shooting stars you both once wished upon, everything will fall into its place. Whether it be in the sky or on the ground, or in the initials carved into the tree, remember who you are, and remember what you’ve found.
You will get over them. Whoever hurt you, you will move on from them.
I did. I’ve found someone so much better. And they constantly ask me, “How did I get someone like you? I don’t deserve you. You deserve better.”
If they’d seen the people I’ve loved, if they’d seen the gutters to their own streets of gold, they would understand that they are my “someone better.”
They are the one I have stuck my heart on, no matter what. I told them I love them no matter what happens, and I meant it. I mean it.
I was told I would find someone better. And I did.