I’m The Girl Who Slept With Your Boyfriend

So you are out one night, you’ve had a few to many Gin & Tonics and a handsome, intelligent man you know comes to rescue you from annoying booze/testosterone filled night. He is saying all the right things and you are on your ninth G&T so frankly you are unstoppable. He mentions he has recently started seeing someone, you mention you’re seeing someone too (nothing serious).

The coffee should have tasted bitter but it was rather sweet.
The coffee should have tasted bitter but it was rather sweet.

He is sweet about it, this isn’t something either of you ever do. He makes coffee. You talk about the weather, he lights your cigarette, brushes the hair out of your eyes and offers to drive you home. You both promise to stay in touch (and strangely neither of you lied about staying in touch).
Then, one evening in the future, you meet her.

She is beautiful in that Diane Krueger type of way. She is intelligent and sweet and the type of girl you can’t help but want to be friends with. As the evening progresses you actually do start to become her friend. You both talk about anything and you both are laughing, it is perfect. Someone mentions her boyfriend. You think nothing of it.

Her boyfriend is he. There have been a few he’s over the years. The ones that in the back of your head you think “He is pretty great” but there is always an issue with the he’s. Distance, Age, Height or your personal favourite: in a relationship with a Diane Krueger type.

But this time you are hit with a realization that you are a jerk. He said seeing and you took it as nothing serious. You were wrong and now you are left to feel like shit. The worst part he knew you were both going to be there and he didn’t warn you.

You are not angry with him. Maybe she didn’t hold the title of girlfriend when you were together, maybe he didn’t think anything about both of you meeting. You are however angry with yourself. You can’t tell her, you wont tell her. You are sorry that you did anything to hurt another human being, let alone another woman.

You have been the girlfriend that was cheated on and maybe that makes you less caring than you used to be. You were told recently that you make a horrible romantic and truth be told you are. You want the candles and the handholding and all those things that come with being in love.

But being in love isn’t an option. You wish it was and you would love to say that your relationships could last more then a night, a week, a month, a year but that’s not your reality.

He swept you off your feet, it’s an evening you’ll never forget.

She grounded you, it’s an evening where you ate crow.

When I typed I am sorry I also wrote it
When I typed I am sorry I also wrote it

I can’t tell you how sorry I really am; you’ll never know it happened. And since I can’t apologize to you, I am going to apologize to everyone that has ever been cheated on. The circumstances are all the same. It always involves three people. Two who don’t care about the consequences and one who doesn’t deserve them.

I never thought I would be the girl who sleeps with someone’s boyfriend and I can guarantee you it has never and will never happen again. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

This article originally appeared on xoJane.

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