About a year and a half ago, my world was turned upside down when my boyfriend of over five years passed away unexpectedly. Although he was my boyfriend, he was also so much more than this. He was truly my best friend, the person who made me feel safe and at home, and an all around amazing human. He had the ability to make me smile on my worst days and calm my anxiety just by being in his presence. He was the person I could always confide in without fear of being judged.
The connection we had and the relationship we shared was certainly rare and special. When he passed, the thought of continuing life without this person who was a whole piece of my heart seemed absolutely impossible. I remember continuously asking myself how I was going to get through this or ever be happy again. It has been a long and tough journey, to say the least, but on this journey, I’ve learned a lot about grief.
I’ve learned that grief isn’t linear, and your emotions are constantly changing. I’ve learned to take life day by day and even minute by minute. One minute, you might feel completely okay, maybe even happy, and then the next, a sudden wave of sadness comes over you that’s so intense and powerful that you literally lose your breath.
For so long, I’ve felt like I had to hide a lot of my emotions, fearing that it would make me weak or make others around me feel uncomfortable if I showed them. Over time, I’ve learned to let myself truly feel every emotion, no matter how dark or scary it may be, and have accepted these emotions as part of the grieving process. I’ve learned that there really is no right or wrong way to grieve, and the grief process is mostly just doing whatever you have to do to make it through the day.
After losing someone close to you, your whole life is changed, and you have to learn to live with the pain of this loss and this new hole in your heart. I’ve learned to be patient with myself during this process and understand that some days will be worse than others. One of the most important things I’ve learned is that life is short, and it is so important to live it to the fullest with the people who mean the most to you.