Your teacher announces a group project

Oh here we go again. Your breathing intensifies and the world around you becomes numb. There is only you and the slow realization that it’s happening again, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

Flashbacks

You remember the last group project you were a part of and the stupidity carnival that was trying to get it done while 1) not going insane and 2) getting a decent grade.

Denial: it’s not just a river in Egypt

Maybe this time will be different! These guys look like they’re ready to work! I think I’ve got a good group for the first time ever! Hooray for good karma finally!

Crickets

Why isn’t anyone responding to my email? Sheesh you guys, we have to decide who is doing what? Should I call them? I mean I don’t want to be THAT person but I also don’t want to fail. Ugh, come on people, answer my email!

Listening to everyone share their ideas

Why is it a rule of life that the loudest people are also the dumbest? You want to be nice and listen to everyone’s ideas but, um, do they not hear the suggestions that are coming out of their mouth?

When you realize everyone you are working with is dumb

Why can’t a group project consist of cloning yourself?

When you divide the work up

Fine, let’s just split up the work equally. Everybody just do one part and then we’ll put it together at the end. Is that okay? Nodding is confirmation. Every man for himself. Go.

TRUST NO ONE

Why is no one sending me their part? HAS ANYONE DONE ANYTHING AT ALL? Oh my God, I am going to have to do this whole thing myself, aren’t I?

Misanthropy

If there is one thing you truly learn from a group project, it’s that you hate people. All the people.

Listening to someone make an excuse about why they can’t help more

Bitch, we are all busy. It’s called college.

Giving up and doing all the work, alone

Nothing quite like having to do the ALL the work ALL by yourself yet again. YAY Team Work! No wonder why I hated team sports in school. Ugh. People suck. Oh well, at least you know if you do it, it will at least be good.

Getting your grade

100% of the work, 25% of the credit, but who cares. An ‘A’ is an ‘A.’ You’re just happy it is finally over.

Continue life as a weathered Group Project Survivor

Never again.