The One Where My Life Is A Shitty Sitcom


I think the writers of my life are having a crisis.

Poor souls, they were no Crane & Kauffman to begin with, and by 2017 they’ve exhausted whatever dying creek of creativity was feeding this thing. That must be why they keep slipping in half-hearted remakes of the episodes I’ve already been through.

Like, The One Where I Fall in Love but He Loves His College Sweetheart.

Or, The One Where We Have Fun but He Secretly Falls for Me Which Makes Me Feel Bad.

I’ve managed to increase the budget over the years, so we can afford more romantic settings now, but other than that little has changed. The storylines are every bit as cheesy as those from 2009, and the titles are just as yawn-inducing. Plus, the writing’s getting sloppy: I keep bumping into lines I’ve heard before, like that joke about my freakishly small feet, and odd coincidences, like our birthdays being on the same day. I mean, come on. It’s plain ridiculous.

Clearly, these bums are good for nothing, and I should’ve fired them years ago, but I still hope some day they will reboot my all-time favorite:

The One Where We Are Both in Love and Happy Like Fucking Fools. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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