I Unknowingly Dated A Guy With A Girlfriend

Franca Gimenez / Flickr.com.
Franca Gimenez / Flickr.com.

“Let’s go ice skating and then I’ll take you out to dinner” he said. I agreed. We went on the perfect first date. Ice skating around the rink, holding hands. Dinner followed. Then we went back to his dorm where he introduced me to some of his friends. While we were ice skating, he asked me about my dating life in the past. I told him I had a bad experience with a guy and that I was completely over him. I asked him how his dating history was. He told me that he had dated a girl for a year, but that they broke up at the end of summer. He also told me about a girl he had been seeing at college at the beginning of the semester. Both, he insisted, were long in the past.

He texted me every single day, nonstop. We went out on a few more dates. He appeared to be the perfect boyfriend — he always insisted on paying for dinner (even when I offered), complimented me all the time, and was up for anything if I wanted to do it. He just made me feel happy and comfortable.

I went to one of his games and he introduced me to some of his teammates as his girlfriend. While we were at the game, a girl came running over and whispered something in his ear. He turned pale and told me she was the girl from the beginning of the semester, and that she was “psycho and a druggie.” Since I didn’t know any better, I believed him.

A couple of days later, he came over after we had gone out for dinner and a movie and we had sex for the second time. He kept telling me how amazing I was — “you’re so pretty,” “you’re so nice,” “I’m so lucky to have to you” he said. He asked if he could spend the night; I told him no, that I would love for him to spend the night, but I needed to prepare for my finals, which were quickly approaching. I said I would see him in a couple of days. He was sad, but accepted my decision. I walked him to the cab, kissed him goodbye and he said, “See you on Friday”.

Four minutes later I received a text saying that it was over. I was a really nice girl and we could still be friends, but he needed some time for himself. Naturally, I was angry and upset. How could he tell me it was over, when he had been showering me with compliments minutes ago?

About 10 minutes later, I logged onto Instagram. I saw that he was no longer following me (and later discovered he had blocked me). Weird. Then I went on Facebook. Same thing: we were no longer friends and I couldn’t find him when I searched for him (my friend could when I asked her).

I decided to just forget about the whole thing and focus on finals. My friends all thought it was very strange, that he was strange, and we decided that he was not over his ex girlfriend.

Six days later I received a friend request from the girl who came up to him at the hockey game, the “psycho” girl. I accepted her friend request, curious to see why she had added me.

She messaged me and me told that his “ex girlfriend” was actually his current girlfriend who went to a different school. They had never broken up. He had done the same thing to her and one other girl, all in one semester. She also told me to check my “other” messages on Facebook. I did. There was a message from the last day I saw him, from his girlfriend. She said to me, “who the fuck do you think you are. That boy you are fucking around with is my boyfriend, and we have been together for a year and a half”.

I was in shock. Horrified at myself, I messaged her back telling her that he had told me he had broken up with her at the end of summer. She responded quickly, apologizing for the rude message, saying that she was just really mad that he had done it again, because she thought he had changed. I apologized over and over but at the time, I felt like the worst person in the world.

I continued to talk to the “psycho” and he played her in the exact same way he had played me. But for her, it was two months instead of two weeks. She told me about another girl he had done the same with, after her and before me. She told me how he blocked her from everything all of a sudden, giving her no reason as to why things ended so suddenly. He broke her heart. Right after she stopped seeing him, she received a similar message from his girlfriend. The “psycho” explained to the girlfriend what had happened, and the girlfriend asked her to keep an eye on him for her. When she heard about the other girl, she told the girlfriend. The girlfriend questioned him- this was the second time. He was apologetic to the girlfriend telling her that it was a mistake, that they would get married, and that it would never happen again. She believed him. After the “psycho” saw me with him at the game, she told the girlfriend. When the girlfriend asked him, he denied my existence to her.

The girlfriend told me she was mad he was “doing this again” and asked me if we had sex. I told her the truth. Yes, we did. I kept telling her I didn’t know that he still had a girlfriend and apologizing even though I knew it wouldn’t make it any easier for her. Her boyfriend of a year and half had cheated on her three times in the span of four months. I told her she should end it with him. That he wasn’t going to change. She seemed to be blinded by her love for him.

I had never felt so bad about myself as I did when I found out that while we were “dating,” he had a girlfriend. I despised myself. I was the “other girl,” the home-wrecker.

Then I realized I wasn’t. I had no idea that he was double-timing his girlfriend. It wasn’t my fault — he had told me a number of times that they had broken up, and that I was his new girlfriend.

I am still unable to wrap my head around this whole thing. It angers me that someone can seem so believable and honest, when in reality, everything is actually a lie. I hope that one day I am able to trust men again, but for the time being, after two bad dating experiences, that doesn’t seem likely. TC mark

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