1. So are you 50% gay and 50% straight?
No, I’m 100% one person and 100% bisexual. It’s not like the right side of me prefers males while the left side of me likes girls…while I’m being facetious this is seriously annoying as it isn’t recognising bisexuality as its own unique sexuality and whilst most people won’t mean any offence by this as it is an easy way to attempt to understand bisexuality, it misses the point a little bit.
2. You’re dating a guy? So you’re straight now? Or, You’re dating a girl? So you’re gay now?
No, no…still bisexual. A common misconception is that bisexuality is just a phase; a stepping stone on the way to coming out as gay or just an experimental phase (my parents are still hoping). Obviously, it doesn’t matter who someone chooses to spend their time with as long as their happy, surely that is all that matters. And, believe me, it’s hard enough to come out as bisexual- it’s not a phase!
3. Why don’t you fancy me?
When I first came out to my friend’s one of them asked me if I had these feelings for girls why didn’t I fancy her…there was a long silence. Of course I love my friends, like everyone does but please, please, please if your friend is coming out to you and they don’t fancy you it’s not personal, they still love you they just don’t want to get it on with you. Surely that’s a good thing, right.
4. Do you miss men?
Just no. As you can imagine, usually the question is “Do you miss (insert male sexual anatomy)” And the answer is no, it will always be no, do not ask this. Most of the time people will have chosen to sleep with who they are sleeping with for more than their body or what they do and don’t have. And just because bisexuals sleep with both men and women it doesn’t mean they miss the other gender when they are sleeping with someone. It is actually quite offensive.
5. Which do you like better?
Not to be crude but which boy did you like better, your current boyfriend or your ex…oh you don’t want to answer because this question is uncomfortable and a bit dumb, I agree. Shall we just not ask this question? There is a scale called the Kinsey scale, also called the Heterosexual–Homosexual Rating Scale, attempting to describe a person’s sexual orientation. It uses a scale from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to 6, meaning exclusively homosexual. Everyone falls somewhere on this scale but when you ask a bisexual if they exclusively prefer males or females it sort of defeats the point of being bisexual.
6. You’re Bi? You don’t look Bi.
Oh, are there t-shirts? Or is it a uniform? Realistically, there are stereotypes about sexuality and what people deem to be normal for certain sexualities but your sexuality is not synonymous with the way you look and therefore, just because someone doesn’t fit a norm that you have in your head, it may be better just to keep this to yourself, rather than telling them.
7. You must have so many threesomes.
While this assumption is more amusing than offensive, it’s wrong. While some people who label themselves as bisexual may have more threesomes than the average Joe, thinking about it logically, bisexuality is not just one big sex club. This question does become offensive when I’m out in public with my girlfriend and someone decides it is appropriate to proposition us with a threesome, walk away now please.
8. So you’re a slut/ attention whore/ commitmentphobe?
No, no and no. I said I was bisexual and that is all. Why there are so many negative connotations with calling yourself a bisexual eludes me a little. Regarding being a slut, what does that even mean? That bisexuals have more sex than other people? A) Slut shaming is not okay and B) Just because someone likes both genders doesn’t mean they will sleep with everyone. If you’re going to such lengths as to sleeping with people for attention then maybe there are other underlying problems and what sexuality has to do with commitment is by the by. Just because a bisexual is dating a man doesn’t mean she’s going to cheat on him with a woman by default, it doesn’t work that way.