Despite What You Put Me Through, I Am A Survivor

By

Our cars collided. Everything happened so fast. Between the point of impact and the confusion after only five minutes passed. There was no time to act, no time to think.

But, even if there would have been, what could I have done? There was nothing I could do. There was nothing I could change. Glass shards are everywhere. Cuts and scrapes make my body bleed.

My car is a wreck. I am outside of myself, watching my mother wail. My body is so still. There’s flashing lights, police, and caution tape. Everyone is yelling. It seems so loud, but to me it’s quiet. I don’t feel it, but my soul leaves my body. I’m stuffed into a bag. My mother screams, “Get her out.” No one listens.

You swear you did nothing wrong. You say, “I was just following the signs.” All compassion is gone. Your face stares blankly past the chaos. Your body is fine. Your car wasn’t raped by the chaos. You get to walk away.

To you, this is all just an inconvenience, being here on the side of the road, in the midst of the wreckage of my life. You have other places to be. You should have taken responsibility. Instead, you lied. You said my car came out of nowhere. Reality is, you ran that stop sign.

Looking at you from the outside, I wonder how you can live with yourself after this. You’ve done something so cold and callous, something less than human.

Our bodies collided. Everything happened so fast. Between the point of impact and the confusion after, only five minutes had passed. There was no time to act.

You were on top of me before I could think. But even if there would have been, what could I have done? You were bigger. Stronger. You had all the power.

There was nothing I could do, nothing I could change. I am outside of myself. I watch my naked flesh, it’s stillness only disturbed by you and the weight of you. Your breathing is so loud. I don’t feel it, but my soul drifts away from me.

I try to scream, I try to say, “Get me out.” My throat is caught. I cry. Tears come out of my eyes in a stream. You swear you did nothing wrong. You say, “I was just following the signs.”

All compassion is gone. Your eyes stare blankly past my face.

To you, this is all just something to do. Another person, conquered. Now that it’s over, you have places to be. I thought I knew you, but seeing you now I wonder how you can live with what you’ve done. You’ve done something so cold and callous, something less than human.

I thought I knew myself, but seeing myself then, I feel like I’m seeing a different person. I was someone so naïve, so stupid. I wonder how I could have lived with what had happened. I allowed life to make me callous and cold.

Seeing myself now I feel like I’m meeting a different person. Someone I can live with again. I am someone so strong, so powerful. A survivor.