I couldn’t help but fall in love with the idealistic persona you created. Your lies were marvelous, your physic chiseled, your words oh so seducing. It was a full proof plan you mustered wasn’t it? Make the girl fall in love, then at the climax of her vulnerability; rip her heart out. Maybe I’m too much of a optimistic person. No one can get that high off of destroying someone…. Right?
All of my passion in this love affair was derived from assurance. I was confined to your bed of lust and lies. I entered your house of seemingly important characters and you led me straight to the bedroom. Your lips traced mine, as I heard your breath, breathe in and out, in and out. Heavily. Slowly. Your broad chest cornered me in the room. You lifted me up. My head above yours. Your arms wrapped tightly around my lower back. I looked at you, your green eyes, beaming in the simple dim light up on the ceiling.
I could tell, my love outweighed my lust in that single moment. I was yours, and you were mine.
It was not the simplicity I was desperate for, it was the peace. I avoided every challenge and found my comfort in your arms. A man who cared more for himself than he could ever for me. I missed the quiet gentle touches and whispers of songs in the background. We were two kids who loved the world, but were scared to face reality
Through the years you stimulated every nerve in my heart and recreated the pattern of beating. It only took one day for you to puncture through my pulmonary artery and just left it there to heal itself. I never cried or screamed for help, I laid there fully aware, conscious of what was happening. You never used a scapula to sheer the skin or a needle to puncture wounds. You used simple words, a weapon more substantial than a blade.
Again, just like clock work you came back. You will never know how much I want to say yes. How much I want to drop everything and be with you again even though you hurt me.
I watched you fall into her arms every damn day.
I woke up without you. I had to shift my life completely because you were missing. Here I am. Without you, learning to be without you, while you spent your days seeking attention from someone else. Now you’re here missing me, on your knees wanting me back. Everything I’ve always wanted. You will never know how much I want to say yes to you, but I cant, I won’t and I never will again. Thank you though, for making me a stronger person and making me realize I deserved a whole hell of a lot better than you. Without you, for the first time in 3 years, I finally feel like me again, back in control.