You respect yourself too much. You think too highly of yourself. You’re unapproachable. You’re cold. Those are all things I hear about myself and other people who think the way that I do. Let me start by saying that I don’t regret the way that I am, the way that I think, the standard that I hold myself and others to. I’m at the top of the tree. If you want me – learn to climb. But I don’t waste my time. I don’t waste time on people that have no ambition. I don’t waste time on guys that can’t hold a door open or pull out a chair. I don’t waste time on guys that talk like sailors and say inappropriate things around women or about women. I just don’t. I can’t.
Does that make me a bad person? Is it wrong that I think I deserve respect at all times? Do I have an unrealistic expectation of the men in the world? If I don’t lower my standards and my expectations will I end up alone like everyone says? Maybe. But maybe I’ll end up with somebody that loves and respects me the way I know I deserve. Maybe I’ll end up happy. Maybe you’ll wish you didn’t settle.
I’ve been told a hundred times by a hundred different people that my standards are too high and I need to lower them or I won’t sleep comfortably because of all of the cats in my bed. Well first of all, I’m a dog person. Secondly, why? Why should I? What is wrong with having high standards? Does everyone think that there’s no way I’m ever going to find a guy that is nice and respectful to himself and to others? Is that rare? Am I psycho because I think that it’s possible to find a guy that talks respectfully and without the constant use of profanity? Are all of the guys that hold doors open and pull chairs out dead? No. I don’t think so.
What’s important to understand is that people with high standards don’t have these giant walls up. We’re not completely closed off to everyone on the Earth and we don’t want everyone to be perfect. A common misconception is that we expect flawlessness all the time and that is NOT the case. It’s not about perfection – it’s about effort and respect and a general knowledge of how to TREAT people.
How you let people treat you is a reflection of how you view yourself. You respect you, don’t you? Don’t YOU think you’re worth the effort it’s going to take someone to show you that you mean something to them?
Once, just recently, I forgot about my standards. A guy did everything wrong. Everything I’ve ever been against, he did it, and I let him. I gave him a second chance when I shouldn’t have. I ignored my gut feeling when I shouldn’t have. I let him talk to me any which way and THAT is something I regret. I’ve found that I NEVER regret HAVING the standards and the expectations, but I ALWAYS regret when I lower them. Because I feel bad about myself. I feel like I let myself down.
So when people tell you that you should lower your standards, let me be the one to tell you that you should absolutely not. Don’t you dare. Because the second you lower your expectations, you’ve given up. You haven’t given up on finding somebody – you’ve given up on you. You’ve just told yourself that maybe you’re NOT worth what you thought you were. Maybe it’s okay if he never holds the door open. Maybe it’s okay that he talks like he’s in a locker room when he’s with you. You know what? It’s not. It is not okay. It is never okay for anyone to treat like you’re less than what you KNOW you are.
Author Mandy Hale once said, “Someone out there is looking for exactly what you’ve got…and will never try and undercut your value or question your worth. Some things in life just can’t be bartered over or place on the sale rack – and your self worth is at the top of the list.”
Everyone’s standards are different. Everyone expects different things. But know you. Know what is acceptable to you and what isn’t. Know what your deal breakers are. Know your limits. Know where your line is drawn and know when someone has crossed it. Don’t draw a new line, don’t settle. Tell whoever they are to take a step back, but YOU shouldn’t ever retreat. You’re worth standing your ground every. single. time.