You know he does not owe you an explanation because the both of you never made a commitment to each other. You knew the both of you were not looking for a relationship but were simply more than friends and less than lovers.
This is unlike many hook-up heartbreak experiences because he did not just disappear. You merely stopped initiating contact, and he never bothered trying to reach out to you.
It feels as though he has fallen off the face of the Earth, but you know that is not true no matter how much you wished it. He is as alive as ever, but he is just not in your life.
I knew I liked you. I think you knew it, too. I miss your “Good morning” texts, our conversations, the inside jokes we shared, and our dates. I miss teasing you, I miss you teasing me, I miss how you smell, your hugs, your smile, and our kisses. I miss being close to you. I would like to believe that all that was real, even just for that moment in time.
So, here I am wondering—are you seeing someone else or have you gotten back together with you ex? Did you finally figure out that I really couldn’t live with hooking up? Why don’t you like me? Was there no connection between of us?
I want to pick up the phone and call you, to hear your voice and ask you where we stand. But I have learned that everything can be said in silence. The fact that the distance between us doesn’t affect you answers everything.
I feel like I am just any other girl to you, but you were never just any other guy to me. I am supposed to act as though I don’t care. That this does not affect me. And that I will be all right.
You forgot. You forgot I had a heart.
The reason I don’t try anymore is because I keep telling myself that if you wanted to speak to me or see me, you would. You will never know that I only walked away to see if you cared enough to chase me.
I am not blaming you—but this is for all the girls out there who know deep down inside they can’t do “hook-ups” but still want to try—please don’t.
It hurts a lot more than an actual heartbreak. To me, it feels like organ damage, and it cripples you.
And the worst part is, you will have to live with it.