Thought Catalog

8 Key Qualities Highly Confident Women Possess

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Allegra Messina

We all know those women who turn heads when they walk into a room.

They aren’t necessarily the prettiest, the thinnest, or even the most successful, but they send off an aura that tells you they are highly confident in themselves. They exude grace and people just want to be around them.

While there are many qualities of confidence, I have composed the 8 that I feel are most important and which can be learned. This doesn’t mean that you’ll get them right 100% of the time, quite the opposite, confident women know that they will make mistakes and sometimes be pushed off course but that’s okay.

1. They practice authenticity.

I believe that women are ready for authentic voices. We are more “seen” today than ever before thanks to the use of technology. Social apps flood us with glossy photos of a perfectly arranged dinner tables and our newly engaged girlfriend. What’s not shown is that everyone has insecurities and perceived flaws, so chances are if you’re nervous about being seen in a swimsuit thousands of other women are as well! You do this world good when you embrace your whole self and support other women around you.

2. They can be alone with nothing but their divine selves.

The quote by Wayne Dyer “you’re never lonely if you like the person you’re alone with” has always stuck with me. I recently visited the reforestation sanctuary on Hawaii where I used to live and there was currently someone staying there alone for a month. It made me wonder if I would be capable of doing that myself. Would being alone with my own thoughts for all that time drive me crazy, or would it be total bliss? We are social animals and need relationship, but taking time to be with you can be a powerful shift.

3. They know it’s not personal.

You could be Mother Teresa and someone will still find something to criticize. It’s just the way it is. So when you’re able to see criticism as more a reflection of the speaker rather than of you, life becomes less full of drama and a whole lot more fun. Do you know any highly confident women who take everything personally? Neither do I. They have learned to feel compassion for all and move through feedback and criticism with grace.

4. They prioritize their own self-care.

One thing I know is that if I don’t take care of myself and practice my daily rituals I get burnt out very, very quickly. In fact I spent the majority of my 20s on a perpetual cycle of excitement and action followed by burnout. It was exhausting. Without a system to care for our minds, bodies and spirits we have little left to give to others. So know your gorgeous self and what you need to keep you in the zone. Then, make it non-negotiable.

5. They don’t glorify busy.

This tails onto number 4. Self-care and ritual is my response to busy. I’m a mama, wife, home owner, dog lover, coach and entrepreneur. I have goals, a to-do list, social gatherings and a gym membership. Life can get busy fast, and busy is addictive. But rather than look at your day as busy and run around like a mad woman, choose to see your day as full and move with ease and grace. Highly confident women know when they need to push the pause button and recharge.

6. They own their choices but release guilt and regret.

Confident women don’t play the victim or the martyr. I’ve always been amazed by people who can continually make choices that hurt others and not think twice about it. While this attitude can seem appealing, it is only inflated ego posing as confidence. Truly confident women know when to own and apologize for mistakes they’ve made. They also understand that guilt is meant to be a temporary emotion that helps to teach us something, not one to hold onto endlessly.

My husband recently shared a video where someone put up a black board in NYC with one question on the top: what do you most regret? Later that day they gave the people who wrote on it a wet sponge and instructed them to wipe the slate completely clean. Just watching this shifted my energy! Rather than focusing on what you didn’t do or should’ve done, focus on the clean slate of today.

7. They don’t need other people’s praise.

Praise from others is a wonderful thing and should be handed out freely! Too often we hold praise back. However, highly confident women aren’t living for someone else’s praise. They move forward boldly in the direction of their dreams.

I recently had a new business idea and found myself doubting it by asking for everyone’s opinion. Deep down (whenever we say deep down that’s intuition talking) I knew what I truly wanted to do. But I allowed other people’s opinions be more important than my own. I caught myself in this and asked myself “what do I really want to do?” Just taking the time to ask that brought me into higher confidence.

8. They can see perceived failure as opportunity.

Confident women know that there will be bumps along the road. They know that they will not always be perfect or make the right decision. They know that they will fail, hurt others and be hurt by others. This is part of our shared human experience. But they also know how to forgive themselves, to have compassion, and to see the lesson or the blessing (sometimes in hindsight) as they journey in this crazy wild thing called life. That’s why I created a free series to help end dating frustration forever.

So there you have it, mes amis! My deepest wish for you is that you move forward in this day with greater confidence, grace and joy. TC mark

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