When someone makes a decision that directly affects you but doesn’t involve you, it says more about their character and less about what you are worth. If I could do one thing for someone today, it would be to heal the wounds that they decided not to. Writing about loss is devastating. Every time I read my work over again, it’s like going through it another time, yet it doesn’t ever feel less painful. This is for those who came into my life that have had someone decide to leave at a time when they needed their guidance the most.
I ask for you and everyone else:
Where were you? Where were your arms when I needed comforting? Where were your eyes when I wanted you to watch me grow? Where were your feet to walk me through the hard times? Where were your words when I needed to feel worthy? I know we think we need every single answer to feel good again, but I am here to remind you that you do not. We may never get those answers. No situation is ever going to be exactly the same, but I am sure everything you are feeling can relate to this in some way. Sometimes you do not get to really understand. People don’t always do what you would have done. It seems like all they tend to leave behind are their footprints and we are left to search and find the reasoning behind them. Not to find out not what they did, but what we did. I know that’s not okay. Their steps seem to be moving forward, but we seem to be moving backwards. How does that seem fair? We spend all of our time trying to understand someone we don’t really know anymore.
So I ask again, was it worth it? Was every choice you made directly to benefit yourself, or did you truly think it was for the best? It’s not always going to be seen as black and white. Even good intentions can lead you down the wrong path. There are way too many factors that can be grouped into just one decision—the way we were brought up, the way we see ourselves, and who surrounds us now. We can all make assumptions, we can still feel hurt and feel like victims. However, I know that’s not just who you are; you are far beyond your wounds and everything you didn’t choose to happen to you.
I tend to feel more than the average person, which is why I turned to writing. It’s meant to heal. For anyone that has had a parent neglect them, has had a significant other break your heart, has had someone tell you weren’t good enough, or has had friends move on without you, you aren’t alone. To highlight any time that ever made you question why. I am telling a story that you are all a part of. We are more than just what has happened in our lives, and we are definitely worth more than the people that didn’t give us their time. We continue to try to prove something, but what we really should be doing is realizing that we were destined to do more.
If this has taught me anything, it’s that we have no idea what comes next. So be there for people, be their guide, be their light, be their walking hand that no one else has seemed to hold. For the ones who decided to stay, hold them very close. For the ones who left, don’t hold onto them anymore. We wouldn’t be who we are now without them, but now we don’t need them. Without every experience, every let down, every tragedy, and every new opportunity, we wouldn’t know how much we could handle and grow while possibly changing someone else’s life at the same time. Stay you—the whole you.