Never Be Afraid To Be The One Who ‘Loves More’ / Epicurean

Throughout life we stumble in and out of relationships until we find the actual “one.” Finding love truly is a long journey and as we travel in and out of the relationships we stumble upon, we end up experiencing all different types of love.

There are the relationships where you are the person that “loves less” and everything is kinda just handed to you. The attention, the dinners, the emotional and physical connection. You don’t really have to work for anything in these types of relationship.

I’ve been the person that “loved less” once in my life, and I can honestly say it was probably one of the most unhealthily relationships I have ever been in and it screwed me over for the next few relationships I stumbled upon. I’ll explain.

I never had to put any effort into the relationship. I never had to show affection or prove to him that I cared and because of that I developed a mindset that I never had to love anyone in order to be loved. I expected him to shower me with attention, and change his plans in order to match my schedule every time. I thought I ruled the world and after six months he quit and the girl who “loved less,” to protect herself ended up being really hurt.

The supposedly fool-proof way to prevent myself from being hurt left me so hurt and feeling like I could never learn to love.

The idea of being “vulnerable,” is looked down upon by so many. I use to be so scared of being the person who loves more because it is automatically assumed that being that person just sets you up to get hurt in the relationship. I’ve learned that this is not the case, and if anything being the person who loves more not only makes you a great SO but it makes you stronger for the next relationship you stumble upon, if that is where life takes you.

I was completely screwed over the next few relationships I stumbled upon because I didn’t know if I was loving too little or loving too much. I over thought everything, which let me tell you overthinking will screw you over so bad in the long run to; overthink ruins everything. Seriously. It got to the point where nothing was working. Being the girl that loved less just made guys think that I was a selfish paranoid b*tch that only cared about herself and only wanted to protect herself.

Here’s a little side not secret for you. Regardless of what guys tell you, they are scared of being hurt to, honestly they may be more scared of being hurt than girls are and that is why they always put up a front and never know how to be vulnerable.

Girls can be bigger heart breakers than we think.

Once I learned that I needed to stop being selfish and only worry about getting myself hurt, and realized that being the person who loves less can actually backfire and hurt myself, I started to be the one who loved more.

I stopped being afraid of texting first, making plans first, I started doing nice things for the person I had a thing going with just because, and I stopped being scared of being vulnerable. I became the most vulnerable person I could possibly be.

And yes in a few relationships I still ended up hurt, but it was okay I survived. And, when I stumbled upon the next relationship it started to become a lot easier and more natural to be a loving person.

Being the person that loved more made me feel good, it made me feel more loving even if the same energy wasn’t being reciprocated back. Being vulnerable makes you so much stronger than you think, and I love feeling that. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Alexis DiZenzo is a journalism student. She has a love for fashion, beauty, and pop culture and a knowledge of relationships due to her many failed attempts at one.

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