You’re drunk. You dont give a fuck. Truly. You’re as lesbian as pride day in Provincetown. You loathe the general population. You’re single and ready to make everybody acutely aware of this fact.
You have always kept a journal and now it’s probably located on Blogspot. You like cupcakes and lazy Saturday mornings.
You are a robot sent from the future to say the things ‘one can’t’ and destroy the thought police before they take over the world. People do not think that you are, like, technically a nice person. You do not technically give a shit.
No one has ever accused you of being a dumbass, but if they did, you’d be unamused. You’re decidedly hip because no one ever knows how you really feel. You have an affinity for things that are abnormal and/or compellingly interesting, and frequent some weird corners of the internet. You are slightly brilliant in the scariest way possible.
You enjoy your vagina. Other people in your life know a lot of your vagina-related preferences. And they beg for more.
You’re introspective, but in a more likeable way than 99% of introspective people. You know how to hustle but also how to party. You’re probably not a Gemini.
You’re from the east coast. You’re a “cool girl.” No one knows why you’re cool, you just are. You get a lot of likes on each Instagram photo. You generally don’t give a shit and think that society’s take on most of hollywood is fucking ridiculous. You do you no matter what. You’re subtly hilarious.
You understand the divinity of a great pun. You know humor is best delivered in taco bell references. You were born in the 90s. Netflix is your god and pizza your body of jesus. (And, let’s be real here, you recognize a handsome face when you see one.)
You aspire to be a part-time Barefoot Contessa and full time badass. You make your own rules re: everything. You’re not ashamed to talk about all the ways other people make you feel bad because you can’t wear Jimmy Choos without getting blisters. If it’s the last thing you do, your life will look like your “travel and entertaining!” Pinterest board or a Disney movie.
You have SO. MUCH. ENERGY. You’re always doing like 14 things at once. You have a liberal arts degree and were probably in show choir. You can be analytical about the patriarchy and why we like “Wrecking Ball” so much, all in one breath. You’re not taking anyone’s shit.
You are actually the human carnation of a Sim or an internet meme. You spend your entire day on #weirdtwitter where you don’t have to explain your jokes to anyone. When SkyNet rises to power, it will spare you, faithful servant.
You take fabulous to new levels just by your very existence. You know something about everything and enlighten the rest of us plebes. You might be Beyonce.
You used to be in a frat. You’re unamused by adulthood. You’re a bro-buddhist. You get #deep sometimes, but you’re largely just a bro trying to make it in the world. One day you’d like to achieve bro-vana.
Your favorite magazine is Cosmo. You say “just sayin'” a lot after you give your unpopular opinions and don’t give a shit about it. You get philosophical about your morning latte. You generally just like to party and are the friend who always has the gossip.
You’re going through an existential crisis or you’re generally emotionally unstable. You like Oprah and Deepak Chopra. You are the friend everyone turns to when they need advice. You like things that make you happy. And pizza. You really, really love pizza. You might cry into your pizza over a particularly touching Dominos commercial.