It’s May of 2014 and I just walked across the stage and received my diploma. It’s been a long and stressful year, but I did it. Everyone is cheering and I glanced in the audience and seen my mother crying tears of joy and at that moment I couldn’t help but be so thankful that she was able to see me graduate.
My mother had been sick for over the course of 4+ years. I had witnessed her at her best and her worse. I witnessed her dancing around the living room with my siblings and me and I also witnessed her lie in bed for days at a time because her body wouldn’t allow her to move as if she was being held hostage by her own body.
Although my mother had been battling with her illness for a while I had never thought just 7 months later her “worse” would get the best of her and that would be the last time I would see, talk, hear or touch my mother again.
December 27, 2014…
That’s the day that my heart broke in two.
That’s the day that my mother was taken away from me.
That’s the day that I’ll never forget.
My mother was in her mid-fifties — she still had so much to do and so much to see. Like she would always tell me “I’m still young.” And, indeed she was.
I’ve been living without my mother for almost 4 years and it’s been a long 4-year journey of ups and downs!
The good part is, I was able to share 18 years of love, laughter, and memories with my loving mother. However, there are events and milestones that my mother won’t be here to witness or attend. She won’t be here for my wedding day or the delivery of my first child. She won’t be here for Mother’s Day, Thanksgiving, or Christmas. She won’t be here to hold me when I’m suffering from a broken heart. She won’t be here to pick up the phone when I need her most. Basically, she just simply won’t be here and the absence of her presence will be felt for a lifetime.
I always thought that such a tragedy like this would never target me or my family. I thought that my mother would be here forever, I mean isn’t that what we all believe? I never imagined being a motherless daughter, but here I am writing this post.
So, when people ask me do I miss her, my reply is “Every day.” When people ask how do I cope, my reply is “Day by day!”
Because I’ll never get used to being without my mother, I’ll never get used to spending Mother’s Day without her, I’ll never get used to that empty chair at the table on the holidays, and I’ll never get used to being a motherless daughter.
If you don’t do anything today hug your mother, cherish your mother, love your mother, and make plenty of memories. Because, when you’re a motherless daughter the only thing you have left is the memories!