I met someone a month ago.
It was so unexpected that even I, someone who plans everything, didn’t see it coming. There were no butterflies and stars in the beginning so I thought we would only see each other 2-3 times but then I woke up one morning, and I liked him more.
He was cuter, funnier, and every time his name popped up on my phone, I was so happy.
However, as soon as I care for someone or something, that’s when the overthinking starts.
He was texting me every day, liking my Instagram stories, was all over me when we were together but I was still doubting. When he was not texting me; automatically I assumed he would ghost me. When he was not putting emojis in his texts; automatically I assumed he was mad. When I was with him, everything was fine but as soon as I left, that’s when my overthinking started.
My ex-boyfriend broke me completely and I had been single for a year when I met him. For a year, it was me, myself, and I. For a year, it was me healing myself. For a year, I guarded my heart very carefully. For a year, it was me being happy because of me and now, there was someone else who was adding to my happiness which made me scared to death.
Love is beautiful but love is also scary. I don’t want to be broken like I was a year ago but I also want to enjoy the first stages of us. But I can’t because my thoughts are wondering constantly. What is he doing? Why is he not texting me? Is he texting or seeing someone else? What does his last text mean? I’ve become this girl once again, the one who is waiting for a text. I’ve become this girl once again, the one who’s screenshotting my convo and sending it to my friends. While he’s living his life like I should be, I overthink and worry.
In reality, the problem is not him, it’s me. He still likes me just as much as the day before. He’s still interested. He still wants to see me tomorrow. I don’t want to ruin this by overthinking because while he’s enjoying our first stage of dating, I’m worrying.
The truth is, I need to conquer my worst enemy—myself.