This Is What I Realized When You Didn’t Come Back

When you broke up with me, it was like I was punched in the face because the shock was so intense. You broke up with me one month before our one year anniversary. I thought that maybe you got scared and that you would change your mind later.

I’ve waited for you to call back to tell me that it was all a mistake, but you never did. I’ve waited for you to show up at my house one Friday night, but you never did. Every night, I prayed for you to come back, but I always woke up the next morning with no texts from you. I had this pit in my stomach that dug deeper and deeper, and I was craving you. It was like you left and took my whole heart with you.

I always kept my phone close to me in case you tried to reach me. Every ping I heard made my heart race, but every time, it wasn’t you. I wanted our mutual friends to say how badly you seemed to miss me, but all they told me was that you seemed fine and happy, which destroyed me even more. I thought I was worth more to you, but I was wrong.

Days and weeks went by until I realized that you weren’t coming back, and even worse, that you were already sharing your bed with someone new. That’s when I realized I had to move on, because you already did. Knowing she slept in the same spot I did made me realize that I put so much hope into a relationship with someone who never respected me.

I deleted you from Snapchat and unfollowed you from Facebook and Instagram because seeing you living your life like nothing happened really hurt me. However, cutting contact with you helped me and liberated me in some way, because I wasn’t afraid anymore to see pictures of you and her on social media.

I stopped going to the places we used to go because I was scared to see you. Actually, I was more scared to see you with her. This, however, made me discover new places that have now become important to me.

Then months went by and I finally accepted our breakup. I finally accepted that I would no longer wake up with your good morning texts and that you might have been my first love, but you will not be my last. I accepted that somebody else will love me and that somebody else will not be you. That somebody else will treat me right and will love me unconditionally, something you never did.

It’s been almost a year now, and I’m glad to say that I’m happy. I went back to school, made new friends, and worked on myself, and I love the person I am today. You made me the person I am today. You not coming back made me realize that I deserve someone who will never leave. You not coming back made me realize I never want to wait for somebody else ever again. You not coming back made me realize that I don’t need you to be happy. I don’t need you to make new friends. I don’t need you to have goals, and I don’t need you for anything anymore.

I don’t know what you’ve become, and I don’t know what’s happening in your life, but all I know is that I will never wait for someone again. If someone cares, you’ll know, and if they don’t, it wasn’t meant to be and something better is coming along the way.

Dog mother. Writer. Happy lover

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