Why I’m Thankful For The Relationship We Never Had

girl in a lavender field
Will Li

I know that “everything happens for a reason” is probably the most generic cliché, but there is just no other way to explain this adventure. You were the epitome of how I wanted to learn the most valuable lesson that I have learned thus far in my life.

The night we met was by no means a coincidence. Fate planned for this. There were so many people at that party, but yet somehow you caught my eye. You were the first person to make me take a second glance in such a long time… an attraction like iron to a magnet.

I am not the type of girl to take initiative when a stranger grabs my attention, so I didn’t. Why bother? I don’t know how to flirt. Even after a long-term relationship, that has never been something that came easily to me.

I am one of the most cautious people you will ever meet. I might put on a front that I couldn’t care less what other people think of me, but in all reality, I tend to shelter myself. I constantly am on guard so that I don’t ever have to experience the pain that I have felt in the past…so that I never set myself up for the earth-shattering pain one feels at the finish line of the marathon that they never imagined would end.

But with you, I was different. After only weeks of knowing you, I allowed myself to get comfortable and open up to you. I became your confidant and a sort of distraction from all of your problems. I liked being there for you, even though it meant listening to you talk about your heart being broken by someone else. It made me feel important, like you needed me. We spent every weekend together and grew closer with every new conversation. You became my best friend, and I yours. Life became easy again, so I let myself fall.

And as soon as everything in my life was perfect, yours became complicated. It went back and forth for a long while… you being there one moment and gone the next. I watched for months, as your ex tore you apart. The whole time I was there for you, even though I knew that you would always choose her over me. I picked you up when you were down, helped you recover, yet you would continuously go back to the reason for your suffering.

So, I surrendered. Backed off from telling you how unbelievably stupid you were for doing that to yourself, all with hopes that one day you’d make that realization on your own. Still, I wait, acting as just a friend… always being cautious to not cross any boundaries.

Although it did not work out as I hoped, I still appreciate everything that you have done for me. You may not realize this, but you’ve done so much. I needed you like a child needs someone to teach them to walk. I needed you to move on from the things in my past, just as I believe you need me for the same. You showed me how to love again… how to enjoy my life as it is, instead of constantly hoping for the next chapter to begin.

This adventure we had is proof that I can move on again… that this pain does not last forever. We both needed that first step to grow. I took mine… Maybe I will see you again when you take yours. TC mark

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