You Made Me Stagnant, But Now I Am Free

Caro
Caro

I wish I could say that you were only my 3 AM thoughts,
but youโ€™re more than tears on a pillow
when Iโ€™ve listened to too many sad songs.

You are what crosses my mind when Iโ€™m sat at the kitchen table,
the dish in front me reminding me of the few meals I watched you eat
looking back to the countless time I held back
what you really needed to hear
biting my tongue for the sake of our friendship.

I wanted to be your spark
in place of the lighter you held up to your cigarette
but somehow I got stuck.

Somehow we got stuck.

The crave for change became overbearing
because every time I gained some courage
I was pushed back.

I pushed myself back.

I knew the change could not come from only me
and my effort continued to go unnoticed.

You were like soft ocean waves
substantially subsiding before ever reaching the shore.

I learned a lot once I gave myself the chance,
I learned to back away from what held me stagnant.
And i have to come to understand
you are wasted tears on a pillow,
one amongst the other to soon be forgotton.

Somehow I got stuck.

But in more ways than one,
I am now free. TC mark

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