When They Leave You Behind

It’s almost going to feel like breathing is an extra hard task you never thought it would be. It’s going to be looking around your apartment and seeing the remnants of them everywhere and wondering if you should throw them out or hold on to them.

And it’s going to take time to heal.

That’s the hardest part to accept. That time is actually one of the only ways to start to feel normal again. You’re going to hate that advice though. As soon as someone says ‘really all it takes is a bit of time’ you’re going to feel yourself holding back an eye roll.

But time does work. You wake up one day and their absence doesn’t feel quite like the empty abyss in the middle of your chest that it used too. You’re going to realize all of the mean things they did to you and all of the mean things that you did back. Things that you swore you never would do but then in the end you did. You did because hurt people, hurt people.

You’re going to remember all of the yelling and crying that lasted all night. You’re going to remember asking all of those really hard questions but never getting an answer back. You’re going to remember telling them how much you love them and how empty their eyes were when you said it.

And it’s going to hurt again. I wish pain and heartbreak could be a one-time thing in the healing process but they’re not. They’re reoccurring as you stop remembering the bad and start recollecting the good. You’re going to remember when it was magic. Like the night you sat outside in the field and looked up at the stars. Your palms were sweaty, and you were sitting so close to each other you could feel the electricity. You’re going to almost transport back to that exact memory and feel the moment when your hands intertwined for the first time. That’s going to set you back almost to the beginning of the healing process.

Then you’re going to slowly start to get back up. You’re going to think about the good and the bad but neither of them is a stinging reminder anymore. They’re just what they were. When someone says their name it’s not going to feel like a shock to the system. When you stumble upon something they left behind in your apartment, you’re going to toss it in the garbage and not debate what to do with it.

All of that sounds foreign in the beginning. That one day you’re going to be able to move on with your life like they were just a blip on the radar because unfortunately if they chose to leave you behind that’s all they are. They don’t hold your worth and your life doesn’t stop the second they slam the door.

Your heart will try to remind you that one day it’s going to heal, even though it seems like it’s quiet right now. You will heal, no matter how hard that sounds. You’re going to look in the mirror one day and those open wounds are going to be nothing but battle scars. They’re going to be those reminders that tell you that you deserve someone better. You deserve someone who’s not going to leave you behind.

So, when they leave you behind, no matter how hard it is, let them. Let them walk into the world and for a second watch them go. But don’t let them be the reason you stop living. You are worth so much more than that.