I Never Realized You’d Mean This Much to Me

Derrick Freske

I never understood that one day someone was going to come into my world and fuck it up completely; and that it would actually be a good thing.

I’ve never believed in good things. Really, I’ve never believed that good things could ever happen to me but then you did. You came and showed up in the most incredibly annoying yet amazing way possible. You came when I told everyone I was never going to fall in love again which means you made a liar out of me. And it’s frightening how OK I am with not being right this time.

So is it OK if it’s just you and it’s just me and we’re just in this together? Instead of battling the outside voices from our friends and our own internal voices of doubt, it’s just us. Because there’s always going to be naysayers or people who don’t believe that this is going to work out. There are going to be days that we listen to them and wonder if this could really work. There will be other days where we’re our own biggest enemy and let our own insecurities come in between us.

But what if we don’t? What if I never have to wonder if you’re going to think that it’s weird that I never sleep. What if you never have to worry that sometimes you need alone time and I never make you feel bad about that. What if those deep, dark secrets we’ve wanted to banish from our memories don’t define us but they’re something we’re not afraid to tell each other. What if they become stories from our past but not stories about our future.

I don’t need you to prove to me that I should be with you. I don’t want to have to convince you to love me. I just want us to know that this is good. What we have is good. What we have is rare. What we have is something that people search their entire lives for and somehow, we’ve been lucky enough to find it.

We don’t need to fix each other. It’s hard to believe that someone like you would want me. The scariest part is that you really see me and I really see you. I see you in your bad moments and there’s still nowhere else I’d rather be. You’ve seen some of my biggest meltdowns with my depression and you just sit with me. You stayed when no one else did. You showed me what unconditional love is and how easy it really all can be. You showed me I didn’t have to convince people to want me.

So, this, whatever it is, can just be simply defined as us. That’s it. Two letters that really mean nothing until their paired together. It can be just you and me. And I never knew someone like you existed but here you are.

I never realized someone could ever mean this much to me but you do and I’m completely OK with that. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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