This time last year, I spent about a week in my bathtub, crying, over what I thought was a broken heart and the pain of letting someone go. I swore to myself I would never do it again and that I would get a dog and close myself off to the chance of falling in love again.
In the bathtub at that point in my life, I truly believed that. I believed I was never going to meet another person who made my heart start and stop. I believed I was never going to feel the rush of another person’s lips brushing up against mine. I believed I was done, not because love would never find me but because I was done trying.
But that didn’t happen. My friends knew me well enough that they said not to hold my breath on my promise of never falling in love. They told me they would once again hear me say the words, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone the way I feel about this guy.” And they were right.
I met someone else five months after swearing I wouldn’t. I met someone who made me say those words that I had never felt this way about anyone else before him. I met someone who turned my whole world upside down and around again.
What I can tell you though is that one year later, I’m in my bathtub again, crying, broken hearted over someone else who doesn’t love me anymore. I’m saying all of the exact same things that I said last year. I’ll never love again. I’ll never meet another person like him. I miss him in the very depths of my soul even though he was completely toxic for me. I have once again sworn off love and everything is has to offer.
But my friends remind me of last year. How I lost hope last year and only five months later I was saying the exact same things I thought I’d never say again.
When heartbreak hits though, you think it’s never going to get better. You think that finding another person is foreign and that it will likely never happen.
Unfortunately, and fortunately, broken hearts heal. I say unfortunately because that means that one day the person you are pining over and grieving is going to be nothing but a distant memory. That the love will fade and you won’t crave them so deeply anymore. That’s a sad realization that someone can be so fucking important and then become, just, not anymore.
The last person to break my heart changed me. I’d like to think for the better. He taught me things I would have never learned without him. He taught me things about myself. He showed me the importance of loving yourself first. I bet he has no idea that he did me a favor leaving, even though right now the hole he left is crushing me daily.
Having your heart broken sucks but there’s one thing I learn every time; it’s leading you somewhere. While the lesson learned makes zero sense right now, it’s going to make sense in time.
Never give up on love. Even when you want to.
Even when it feels like it’ll never come. Don’t give up on it because you deserve to give and receive love. That’s the one thing I know for sure.