I’m Not Sure If I’ll Ever Stop Craving You All Over Me

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You know when you look like that, I’m going to notice. Even though, in this busy bar, you’re not trying to catch my eye, you manage to every time. So, while I know you’re not dressing up for me, we both know who you’re going to end up going home with.

Because we always say only one more night. Only one more kiss. Only one more morning waking up on the right side of your bed. But again and again, I fall into to you more often than I would like to admit.

Once your love hits my veins, it’s something I can’t resist.

I just want to taste your kiss because the people since you haven’t been anywhere close. I don’t know why we keep saying this is over when we get caught up in each other time and time again. Not that I’m complaining.

No one knows my body like you. It’s like a drug that I can’t stop wanting. You’re like that bad habit that I can’t seem to quit because I don’t really want too. While we don’t work and we keep saying this is over, we somehow manage to gravitate towards each other. You remember what it’s like to have a fistful of my hair intertwined in your fingers. I remember how your mouth feels great attached to my neck. Then it’s done. Our ability to resist each other is gone and we both know how this ends.

Everything about you makes me want to drop all that I have just to get next to you. So, I can go on dates and try to move on but I can’t get you out of the back of my head. I can’t stop thinking about those moments when you make me forget my problems and I get to just exist with you.

During the times I don’t see you, I go to call you but I can’t. I can’t fall back into a rhythm of us falling in love only to figure out that we’re so fundamentally different again. We made such a mess out of each other the first go around that we both know we wouldn’t be able to get out unscathed the next time.

I just can’t resist. I can’t resist you.

And to be completely honest, I don’t want too. While we always say goodbye in the morning, we somehow end up at the same place, at the same time. I could lie and say it’s a coincidence but it isn’t. We both know it isn’t.

It’s a stark reality remembering when we get a little too close that this is going nowhere. I feel myself touching the flame and as soon as it starts to burn, I pull away. I disappear because I’m scared that you’re going to set me on fire again. I can’t go all in because I’m worried we’re both going to walk away once more. While I may have made the first steps, you didn’t try to stop me.

My friends tell me I’m being an idiot. Your friends warn you that this is going to end worse than the first time. We ignore them for the temporary high of being tangled together under sheets that we bought together. Sheets that now cover my bed instead of ours. We used to talk about our future but now we barely say anything to each other. It’s more animalistic instincts of just needing to be together physically because we’re scared of something new.

That’s what it always comes down too when you sleep with an ex isn’t it? It’s scary to move on with someone new and have to relearn someone else. There’s no guarantee that your new relationship won’t end like your last one and the devil you know is always better than the devil you don’t.

I’m not sure what will end this cycle of late nights and quick goodbyes. I’m not sure what’s going to make it so I don’t crave your hands on me.

I shove the doubts to the back of my mind as soon as our eyes meet across the bar again. I forget all of the red flags as we slowly gravitate towards each other. When our hands intertwine, and you pull me outside towards a cab, I let go of everything else and live in this moment.

It’s all I really want right now anyway. TC mark

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