It started as two people getting ready to go out for the night.
Both heartbroken. Both ready to feel something different, something new.
They were in no way connected but currently are experiencing the same feelings of pain. While she made her makeup perfect, he shaved so he had just the right amount of stubble. She picked out a dress she knew would catch someone’s eye, and he put on just the right amount of cologne. Before they left their individual apartments, they looked at themselves in the mirror. They both set the intention in their minds that tonight they would not be going home alone.
She was sitting with her friends in the corner, pretending to be listening to one of her girlfriends while she scanned the crowd. He was standing at the bar with his friends, laughing about something while downing shots one after the other. He couldn’t tell his friends but he was hurting. Bad.
Somehow they ended up meeting. He grabbed her hand and knew that he had found the girl he wanted to get to know tonight. She looked at him and smiled. He was completely opposite of the boy that just broke her heart and she needed to forget him. They talked. They drank. They laughed. They danced.
Neither of them know who suggested leaving first, but after saying bye to their friends they ended up in the back of a cab heading to hers. Her palms were sweaty as she leaned into him. He swallowed hard trying to push the thoughts of the girl who just left him out of his mind. When they got to her apartment, she poured them a drink. It took one minute before he set down his glass and pressed his lips against hers.
They made it to her bedroom and feverishly pulled off their clothes. She bit his neck and said her ex’s name. He chalked it up to a mistake. As he ran his fingertips across her jawline, he was picturing the face of the girl who broke him. He shook his head to get her out of his mind but he couldn’t. She ran her hands down his back, trying to not say her ex’s name again. The truth was she was picturing him on top of her.
They both wanted to drown in each other’s skin. While their bodies were totally in sync, their minds were in completely different places. They were both thinking of the pain and heartbreak they had experienced. They were both wondering if maybe this wasn’t the right way to go about it.
It wasn’t because of the person they lay with now. They both just weren’t ready. They were trying to heal broken pieces together because it was easier than doing it alone. While they were making out, both of their brains were feeling guilty. They were feeling as if they were using each other because they were. They were trying to temporarily escape the pain that was plaguing both of their hearts.
When they finished, they laid together for a few minutes. They were both unsure how to proceed from here. Yes, they had just shared one of the most intimate experiences that two humans can have but they had no idea what to say to each other.
They knew that when you take someone home you’re obviously not going to be alone. But as they both laid there, they had never felt more alone. Even though there was nothing wrong with the stranger beside them, they just weren’t ready.
He gave her a hug at the door. She smiled and told him to have a good night. They exchanged numbers knowing that neither of them would ever use them. Maybe it hadn’t worked out the way either of them had planned, but they were grateful for each other. It gave them hope that when they were ready, that wonderful people do exist.
So they both learned that they needed to heal and maybe that’s all they really needed to know. There’s no wrong way to rebuild yourself after a break up and tonight they learned how to hope again.