There’s no point in apologizing to each other for losing the love that we once had. Because even though every fibre of our beings wanted to be together, the world had different ideas for us. They had different journeys for us to embark on without each other. And there are days I feel like we’ve really missed out on doing it together but then I remember exactly why we are where we are. Why we didn’t manage to make it work. And why we’ll never be us again.
We had some good times though didn’t we? We had adventures together, no matter how small they seemed at the time, which made us who we are. That right now even though I’m still fixing pieces of my heart from losing you, I know that we’ll both be alright. Because when you close your eyes and see me, I hope that you smile because I know I do when I see you.
And if you ever needed me, really needed me, I’d be there in a second. I’d drop everything to make sure you’re alright because of everything that we’ve been through together. And as we get older, our bond has been non-existent but that doesn’t mean you just forget.
Because forgetting you will never be an option for me.
Goodbyes are bittersweet aren’t they? They remind us that while even though we fight for things to work out, that sometimes they don’t. Sometimes the beauty in goodbye is rediscovering ourselves again. Sometimes even though the goodbyes hurt so bad in the moment, it’s the process of moving on from them that teach us the most important lessons.
But you’ll start to notice my absence just like I noticed yours when we hang out with our old friends at different times. When we hear each other’s names being brought up in random conversations, even though we don’t want to ask, we find ourselves still inquiring about how each other are. And we wonder what exactly what we’re doing in this moment.
I notice you most when big things happen. I notice you’re not there to tell me how proud you are of me. You’re not there to talk about everything that’s going wrong. And while that stings, I’ve met someone else who finds the beauty in all of those same moments that you used. Who manages to stick everything out just the way that you did.
Nothing that we had could ever be replicated because that’s just not the way the world works.
But I could find something that works better. That actually will make it the long haul. Something that won’t make me question my own sanity.
And that’s not one last dig at you. It’s just the truth. Sometimes things don’t work. Sometimes we manage to hang on to something that is no longer healthy. Sometimes we look at someone as the be all and end all. For a really long time I thought that was you. I truly wanted it to be you. But it wasn’t.
If I could tell you anything and want you to know that it’s true it’s this; I will always love who you were to me. But I also want you to know that I am no longer waiting around, wondering if we’re going to work out. Because I’ve already missed out on some really great people by doing that.
For the rest of my life I’ll be grateful to you for teaching me what love is. For teaching me that I deserve love.
All in all, I’d say our adventure was exactly what it was meant to be.