“Yeah but do you think that people can actually be monogamous today? Really?”
My friend was challenging me and my devotion to monogamous relationships. I guess the hopeless romantic in me was alive even though I, myself, have been for lack of a better term, the other woman. I’ve also been cheated on. Even still with that on my conscience, I fully believe people can be in a two person relationship. Or do I?
The more I think about it the more I get confused.
Last year, I met a woman in a polyamorous relationship. She was legally married but had a boyfriend. The husband and the boyfriend know about each other. She was so open about how she loved both of them equally and how she ensures she spends the same amount of time with each of them. I think my brain exploded.
Why did she need a boyfriend if she loved her husband?
Beyoncé has sparked the infidelity debate after allegedly calling out Jay Z for cheating on her with her newest album. But isn’t that to be expected in a world of excess? Celebrity is a whole other ballgame. One that definitely follows its own rules. And us regular people shouldn’t even try to keep up.
My parents have been married for an extremely long time. And they also seem very, very happy. I don’t think their marriage is one of convenience for either of them. Sometimes after being married for a while, I can only imagine that things change. Especially after kids. But unless my parents are very good at hiding it, neither of them have looked outside of their marriage for an additional girlfriend or boyfriend.
And I’m sure it’s not easy. My mom always told me that attraction to other people doesn’t stop just because you’re married, it’s what you do with those feelings that take them from nothing to something. She is completely right about that. For the rest of our lives, people are going to come in and out, some extremely attractive, but you have to wonder if it’s worth it. If it’s worth throwing away something that you’ve worked hard to build.
So do open relationships work? That’s my question really.
Do people who have open relationships feel any different about their partners than people who are monogamous relationships?
I don’t think so. I don’t think you can measure the weight of someone’s feelings based on if they choose monogamy or polyamory. There are people in this world with so much love and they need that extra person or people to fulfil them. And to each their own in my opinion.
Open relationships are a thing that are becoming more and more recognized. I know a few people who are currently practicing this and have no qualms about talking about it. Me being the nosey person I am, asks all the questions I can so I can start to understand. I find myself wondering sometimes if I could be in a relationship that was open. If my future husband really, really wanted to try it if I could open myself up to that.
The short answer is never say never.
I think the stigmas that come along with having an open relationship would stop me from actually trying it. The other thing is that I’m a little possessive. A little jealous. A lot needy. That’s a bad combination when it comes to open relationships. Open relationships also need to have both partner’s buy-ins or else it really is just cheating.
And I’m sure there are a lot of rules and issues that come with open relationships or polyamorous relationships. Just like there are a lot of rules and issues that come with monogamy. Whichever romantic path we choose, none come without struggle.
In many ways, I admire people in open relationships. They’re able to actively love multiple people or even just sleep with other people without getting attached. Maybe those aren’t admirable traits to everyone but I think it is. They’re able to be who they are. I’m tired of the narrow views that monogamy is the only acceptable and recognized way to live because for some people that’s not their reality.
I think I’ve said it before and I’ll probably always say it, but you love who you love and fuck the rest. As we progress in modern society, we start to see what we want out of life without fear of judgements. But there will always be judgements. Nothing is perfect.
So do what you want and fuck the rest.