My mother has always told me that I have a gift that not many people have; the ability to love people no matter what. I’ve never saw it as a gift but more as just a part of me. If I can give love to the people who feel broken or unlovable or not worthy then maybe they can start to love themselves too. There are different points in everyone’s life when we struggle and we all need someone to just help us get through. My main goal is whenever I come into contact with someone is to give them total and unconditional acceptance.
But I don’t try to change people. You can’t change people. You can love all the pieces that make them who they are but that in itself is a battle sometimes. We as people aren’t always the nicest or have the best judgement and when we feel like we’re less than it’s hard for us to believe someone is going to be there no matter what. So we lash out. We lash out at the people who make us feel the safest because we know at the end of the day they’re going to be around because we know their love is unconditional.
I’ve been on the wrong end of people’s anger a lot. A lot. So much that it made me question if I could keep being the person I was. The person who always saw the good in people even in their toughest hour. I remember telling my mother I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t be the friend busy picking up everyone’s pieces while my own armor was cracking.
Then something amazing happened. I realized that I had one of those friends who is just like me. Who’s there when I need her and who is there when everything is falling apart to help me pick it all back up. That’s when I realized what my mother meant by it was a gift.
We’re all a little broken in some way. Some of us have shit that’s been brewing for a while and we’re just now dealing with it. The load doesn’t always have to be all on you. If you can even let one person in to see the scary parts and to even listen to you when you don’t feel good enough then you’re already starting the healing process.
I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve stayed up late at night listening to a girlfriend cry about something. Or the times I have to ask the guys in my life probing questions because I know something’s going on with them and they don’t want to talk about it. I ultimately want everyone in my circle to understand one thing; I’m always here. No matter if it seems like I’m not. Not even when I move 1200 miles away. I’m always here.
I’ve never cut ties with anyone. People have cut ties with me. I guess sometimes it seems a little fake for someone to continue to care about you even when you’re not being the stellar person you are. So people panic and they cut you out in an effort to protect themselves. And while it hurts me when this happens, I eventually get it. We do have to rely on ourselves to try to get out of things as unscathed as possible.
But it’s not fake. I’ve never faked my love for someone.
Men and women have caused me to reevaluate things in my life but while I’m busy loving their pieces back together, they’re teaching me things too. Everyone you meet in your life are there to teach you something. Maybe it’s something as stupid as one pump raspberry syrup in a Cool Lime Refresher at Starbucks is amazing. Or maybe it’s something as big as realizing that if this person who you see as good can love you when you’re in your darkest moments maybe then you can start to realize all the good you have.
I always have and always will believe in love. The unconditional kind. Not the one that gives you sparks and makes your stomach turn but the kind that just lasts. The kind you have with your family or friends. The kind you should have with your partner. Love and acceptance are powerful things and I will always give even when it’s hard. If this is my gift then it’s something I’m going to share with the ones who need it most.