I think it was the fifth time this week that someone called me ‘Taylor Swift’ when I was tired of being compared to her. Don’t get me wrong, there are worse things in this world than to be compared to the multimillionaire, gorgeous (sometimes country) pop star but that wasn’t the reason they were calling me Taylor Swift. When you write about your feelings, your deep dark secrets, most people generally make jokes because it eases the fact that your feelings make them uncomfortable. And that’s OK! You’re allowed to be uncomfortable when it comes to feelings.
What I don’t get is the constant comparison to Taylor Swift. Have you ever taken the time to read any lyrics by Mumford & Sons? What about Eminem? Motley Crue? How about Fleetwood Mac? Most of the time musicians write about the same thing and that’s love or heartbreak. But why? It’s because love and connection is the one thing we all have in common. We’re all looking for the acceptance and comfortable feeling that comes from unconditional love.
Why do you think the best songs are either about euphoric love or disastrous heartbreak? Why do you think that the most beautiful paintings come from true happiness or devastating sadness? Why are the best articles written in an extreme high or in a deep, dark low? It’s because they’re feelings we can all relate to.
I know I have an unreal expectation of love and connection. In my mind, I see someone from across the room, sparks fly, we move closer together and have an amazingly mind blowing conversation where we find out we both have secret love (very open love) for One Direction. We laugh. We touch. And at the end of the night there’s a kiss. Our brains explode. We don’t know how we’ve made it this far without each other and we know going forward we’re going to be together.
This rarely, if ever, happens. Usually it takes time to fully get to know someone before you fall in love. I have an unrealistic view of love because, through no fault of their own, my parents. They’re relationship would be what I would consider a unicorn kind of love. It’s the kind of love that I thought was just magic and amazing without any struggle. Of course to a naïve child, I didn’t see the work and effort they put into their relationship. I didn’t know the fights, compromise and complete trust they had in order to make their love what it is today.
So they set the bar incredibly high. And for a person with as big as an imagination as mine, it’s difficult for men to live up to these fantasies. The fantasy that things are easy and that heartbreak isn’t a part of love. But just like when Goldilocks was at the Three Bears’ house, you have to find what’s just right… for you. Not perfect. Just right. Perfection I’m slowly starting to understand is not something that you should want.
You should want the arguments. You should want to be able to fully be the dorky, incredible person you are. You should want to compromise, not because it’ll come back to you, but because you love the person you’re with just that much.
As I said before my parents set high expectations for love for both my brother and I. So when my brother, who I never ever thought in a million years would fall in love, found his person, it sparked the hope in me that I am going to one day be able to have my own. My own just right, unicorn love.
So every heartbreak. Every almost relationship. Every time my eyes catch someone’s across the room, I know it’s leading me to something great. While right now you ultimately may feel like a failure in love, I promise you this, when you find someone who just works for you, there will be no doubts. I believe we all will find our unicorns.