I think it’s so important to talk about when you’re struggling. Right now I am struggling. I’m struggling with who I am, what I want and what I’m not. I’ve been actually focusing on what I’m not a lot lately and how this makes me feel like I’m not measuring up to other peoples standards. I preach self-love but my own has been wavering lately.
Here’s what I’m not. I’m not ever going to be under 6 feet. I’m never going to be a size 2. I’m never going to be able to deny a hamburger. I’m not the most emotionally open person. I’m not the person who cries at sad endings in movies. I’m not the person who often talks about their vulnerabilities because being vulnerable scares the shit out of me. While this is a pretty small list of things I’m not, I focus on these things on a regular basis like it’s an evil mantra.
How come when things start to get hard or we start to lose our way that we ultimately fall back on a list of things we’re not? How many times have you told yourself you’re not good enough because of this list? If you’re anything like me then it’s a lot. As soon as I start to fall for someone these insecurities start to creep up and fester.
Ultimately these words seep into my conversations and make the other person see the wounds I try to hide under the surface.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Because if you’ve been telling yourself the same mantra for the span of your lifetime then changing that thought pattern is going to be the most difficult thing ever. The good news is that you can change your thought pattern. I know what I’ve just written might seem foreign but it’s true. You can change it. It takes a lot of work but you can do it.
How? Small tweaks to the everyday language that rotates in your mind. When you look in the mirror don’t focus on all the small imperfections but instead focus on everything that you’ve got going on today. Great hair day? Praise yourself. Beautiful smile? Tell yourself out loud. It’s not shallow to give yourself compliments. In fact you should be giving yourself compliments on a regular basis.
I have an alarm that goes off every day at different times that reminds me I’m worth something. Some people would consider it sad that I need to remind myself but like I said it’s hard to undo the negative mantras we’ve been telling ourselves for the last however many years. I also make sure that when that alarm goes off it’s got a song that makes me smile. So today at 2:26 PM I smiled because One Direction’s ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ reminded me I was worth something.
So here’s what I am. I’m smart. I’m funny. I have a mouth as bad as an angry trucker who just got cut off. I love people unconditionally. I have a ton of kinks to workout but I’m dedicated to fixing them. I’m open and understanding. I want people to feel comfortable and encouraged. I listen to people when they’re at their lowest because everyone needs someone to listen without judgement.
I promise you if you start to think about all of the good you have to offer it’ll get easier to silence the voices poisoning you with all the negative. All you have to do is start taking baby steps and eventually you’ll be making leaps and bounds towards positivity.