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Please Don’t Make Me Hold Your Hand

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Samuel Schwendener

You don’t seem to understand. Don’t make me hold your hand. I am a vagrant. A vagabond. A drifter. A free spirit.

Regardless of whether or not I am in a relationship or have a variety of commitments, I have always been the independent one, the one who is never chained down by anything, the one that never lets anything or anyone get in the way of what I want to do.

I don’t stop my life for anyone. For anything. For any imposed obligation, etc.

I need to find someone who doesn’t want to hold my hand, or at least someone who wants to hold it while we fly to wherever we decide to go to on a whim. Someone who will love me but not suffocate me. Someone who is willing to view the world with as open of a mind as I do. It is bewildering how hard that is to find.

I’m at a ripe age of only 25 years old, but have been told continuously that I have lived the life of 3 people. I lived a life rich of experience and travel and knowledge and the pursuit of all of the aforementioned.

Oddly, all of my closest friends are young mothers, who married young and had children young or are single mothers, etc. They all, for whatever reason, express envy for my life and resentment for theirs. They wouldn’t trade motherhood and their children for anything, but wish they had done all of the things that I have done and been all the places that I have been and seen as much as I’ve seen.

What they don’t understand, is while I am infatuated with my nomadic life, I would give anything to have a purpose in life as great as motherhood and have the opportunity to provide guidance and love and appreciation of life to a child; a part of myself.

I haven’t found a love great enough to produce children, but I am just living every day being optimistic and believing that it just hasn’t happened because it must not be the right time.

So, I plan to take this time I have been blessed with, to live the most invigorating and enriching life that I can. So, I never carry that kind of resentment with me when I am ready to bring children in the world and so that I have nothing but universal wisdom to offer them, so my children can grow into worldly, intelligent, happy and respectful and compassionate humans, who roam this earth with humility and knowledge they can only get from delving into so much experience.

I plan to continue to travel, to see more of the world, as the years pass. But I would love to allow others to join in that experience.

When I find a wonderful man to share my life with, I plan to take him on spontaneous adventures and teach him to value the world as much as I do and when we have children, I plan to make sure my children indubitably aware of how fortunate they are, but to humble them, by letting them see how the other world lives.

But to also let them see the natural beauties and wonders of the world. There is so much they can be offered to them, so much education that can come from seeing how much they have and how little they have at the same time.

So, they can see that there are so many things in this world, so much bigger than themselves. I plan to do this with patience and tolerance and respect. I plan to do this with kindness. I want to watch my children’s faces light up on every occasion possible and know I am the reason for that light.

I don’t want anyone who will stand in the way of that. I don’t want anyone who can’t value these clearly inestimable concepts. I want a great love that is a pillar for this kind of life and that can withstand these demands.

I am probably asking for too much, but a girl can hope and dream. TC mark

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