An Open Letter To All Second Dates That Never Happened

Along Came Polly
Along Came Polly

Dear First Date Guy,

It’s been a while since I broke up with my ex and proactively put myself out there on the dating scene. At first, I desperately looked for that spark on a first date, and when I did feel my interest being piqued by someone remotely interesting such as yourself, it saddened me that you never called me back.

But after all this time, I’m over it. It’s not to say I’m jaded by the dating scene anywhere. It’s tough no matter where you go, because people are vulnerable and judgmental, but that’s just human nature. I’m not hopeless, because in the end of the day, I know we all want the same thing – to feel like someone else cares that we are alive.

But it’s okay if you never call me back after a first date. Maybe you sensed that I didn’t want to sleep with you after three drinks or three dates. Maybe my elevator pitch wasn’t strong enough. Maybe you were too preoccupied with work or five other women to really give a shit. Maybe I came across as too nervous, or too eager. Maybe you left our date, got hit by a car and died. Maybe I was too funny or laughed too much. Maybe you’re just not that into me. Maybe you sensed I was in love with someone else.

It’s okay if you never call me back, because each first date is in itself a great learning experience. I loved hearing about your vapid opinions on how married people should move to Greenwich, Connecticut. I loved the curve balls you threw at me, with insults about who I am, where I come from, and what I do. I loved when I didn’t expect you to buy me another drink but you did anyway, when I didn’t expect you to share your food with me but you did anyway, when I didn’t expect you to make me laugh (or cry) but you did anyway. I loved watching you nervously try to impress me and own the room even though you had no idea how. I loved meeting you with all my preconceptions circling my head and then giving you the chance to completely debunk them. I loved learning about what you do for a job— what makes you excited and what frustrates you. I loved learning about you as a person, not as a consultant, or a banker, or an entrepreneur, or a lawyer. I loved the chance to have you tell me about your successes, your lows, your travels, your views, and very rarely, though it does happen, your soft side with all your hopes and dreams and vulnerabilities. I loved our intellectual discussions about culture, influence, creativity, and innovation. I sometimes even loved not talking at all, and reading your face and wondering about the person behind the cool facade.

But perhaps more importantly, I want you to know that I did for me. I did it to challenge myself to keep my heart open, my mind free. I did it because I learned to have faith in you, the way i learned to have faith in all people, in terms of your morals, your values and your judgment. I did it as a constant reminder to myself that everyone is unique in their own ways, and because of that, you have brought value to my life.

So it’s okay if we go on a first date and you never call me back. Thank you for a great time anyway. I know I had hoped that maybe you had gotten hit by a car — I didn’t really mean that. I hope you are alive and well and gets laid sometimes.


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