woman in black spaghetti strap top sitting on white chair

I’m Too Damn Old To Play Games Anymore

Since when did dating become a game? It’s like this constant cat and mouse chase that only results in one or the other giving up. Or it’s a waiting game where we feel the need to wait before we say how we feel or we need to wait at least five minutes to text someone back out of fear of coming off as desperate or needy. Why wait? Why the chase?

I get it, sometimes the chase is the best part. It’s exciting, it keeps you on your toes, but how often does it result in something worthwhile?

It’s like this: Why go around chasing someone that never intended on being caught? It’s a lost cause. I won’t lie, of course I’ve enjoyed the chase, but only because I never intended on being caught and I never intended on settling down. When you’re young, the chase is something that keeps us in the dating loop. It puts us in a spot where we can potentially date or fall for someone without actually having to do either. I don’t see a point in running after someone that never wanted me in the first place, or leading someone on only to end it when they catch up to me. I’m over the chase and I’m over the games.

I’d like to think of it this way: I’m in my 20s and dating is already hard. I don’t enjoy chasing someone, because it’s too much work and so far, hasn’t been worth my time. When it comes to dating someone or getting to know someone, we shouldn’t have to sit there and wait or chase them down for answers or conversation or attention. It’s tiring, both mentally and emotionally. So, whatever happened to actually wanting to get to know a person without a constant back and forth, crap-ass effort? Why do we think that less effort or less interest means something more in the end? Do we have to wait 3-5 business days to text someone back? Are we supposed to suppress our feelings until the “right time?” Which brings me to my next point: Why wait?

I’ve heard it all before.

“Just wait a few minutes to text him back, otherwise you come off as needy.”

“Don’t tell him how you feel right now because that might come off as desperate.”

Two quick facts about myself:

1. I’m not needy

2. I’m not desperate for jack squat

I choose not to care about those rules. My “lack of effort” comes from not wanting to put in the effort towards those who also don’t put in any effort. If you don’t care, I don’t care. If you want me to chase you, have fun running. You want me to wait, good riddance.

I think we created these rules as a way of coping with rejection before we even get rejected. The less interest we pretend to show, the less likely we are to come off as hurt if things don’t work out. If we wait a week to text someone back and don’t hear from them, by then, maybe we forget; maybe they forget. It seems to me like we’re scared of something that hasn’t even become something yet.

Being scared is okay, and it’s normal to fear rejection. But using a game as an excuse to mask those problems gets us nowhere. It ends up putting us in a place where we question if we’re worth the chase or if we’re worth the time for a genuine conversation. Better yet, if we’re worth it for any sort of relationship.

So, next time your friends tell you to wait, ask them if that method has ever actually worked for them. Chances are it hasn’t. If someone thinks you’re desperate or needy for wanting to get to know them, call them a puss and get on with your life. Why waste time on someone who clearly believes that the less effort you put into something, the more likely it’s going to work out? It makes no sense.

If you handle your relationships like they’re a game, your chances of getting played are high. But if you handle your relationships by the rules or standards YOU set for yourself, the game ends.

Game over.

About the author
I’m better at talking about relationships than being in one. Follow Alexandra on Instagram or read more articles from Alexandra on Thought Catalog.

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